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This is our little baby, at about 8 weeks.
Now, for all the questions you're wanting to know...
Were you trying? Is this a surprise?
Yes, and yes. When we got married in March, I told my rheumatologist that we wanted to try to conceive soon due to my history of chemo and some interesting visits with a fertility specialist. I had read a lot about couples taking on average about a year to conceive, so we prepared for a long road. We also had no clue what to expect, and received a miracle!
Why is it a miracle?
Anytime there is conception, it's a miracle. I mean, we all know how it happens, but how does it really happen? There's something that God has to do to create a new human being.
"You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate 'inside' and my intricate 'outside'
and wove them all together in my mother's womb."
-Psalm 139:14 (the Passion translation)
Quick answer: I've been on chemo several times before and at one point was diagnosed as pre- or post-menopausal. If you have a cup of coffee and a few minutes, you can read the TMI below :)
Here's why it's a medical miracle for me. When I was 18, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, Wegener's granulomatosis. The treatment my physician chose was Cytoxan, a form of chemo that, when taken in lower doses than to treat cancer, had shown to improve the disease. Any form of chemo carries risk of infertility, but I was 18 and a freshman in college with no immediate plans for a family. My physician also placed me on birth control, which was thought at the time to protect the ovaries (we actually know now that it doesn't, womp womp). Over the course of the last 12 years, I've had at least 3 rounds of low-dose chemo (other than Cytoxan), each time to treat whatever flare-up or symptoms I was having.
In summer of 2012, I went to a gynecologist for the first time (I know, I know), because I hadn't had a period in 6 months. She took some labs and then referred me to the MENOPAUSE clinic because I was showing signs of "the change." It was such a weird day when I got that call - I didn't know what to think. It wasn't devastating, but I felt it should have been. In some ways, I think the Lord was telling me it wouldn't be a big deal! Shortly after that, I lost my health insurance and so didn't really follow up with my "Menopuase" MD, not that I really wanted to, anyways! That place was just so depressing for me. Gah.
In August 2013, I got a job including broader health insurance, so I went to the GYN in November to have a follow up, and this time she sent me to a fertility specialist. I was engaged at that time, so we went together. (By the way, these things are super awkward if you aren't sleeping together. The MD asks SUPER personal questions. I'm pretty sure we just stared straight ahead the whole time!) He did a few more tests, and concluded I had low viability for my egg storage. He said the next option was for egg donation, and went on to explain how they match someone with my hair and eye color, height, etc, etc, but it just sounded so weird. We declined, and he basically said, "when you want to, I'm here, but otherwise that's all I've got." That day was really hard - we spent a lot of time afterwards processing and praying - and ultimately giving up any idea we had of a family up to God. We were comforted that although it may not look the way we want, we trusted in Him for the best for us.
After marriage, we treaded lightly on the idea of having our own children, but again trusted the Lord. We were absolutely shocked when we found out - more on that in another blog post!
When I think about this story - the past 12 years' journey - and at one point was diagnosed as PERI-MENOPAUSAL, it's so amazing. There were many family and friends who prayed for healing for me, and the Lord graciously answered our prayers. It is a true miracle! Only He could have made this possible!
How far along are you?
I'll be 11 weeks on Saturday 12/20. Our due date is July 11, 2015!
What are your biggest prayer needs?
Health for baby and mom. Having a chronic disease makes it hard to treat the disease while also keeping baby safe. We have an amazing team of physicians and specialists whom I am so thankful to have as our guides! My prayer is that I would be able to be a good incubator for our baby and that God would guard and protect both of us.
Also, prayer for logistics and budget and houses and life plans. We want to be smart, realistic, and good stewards of what we have, while also understanding what we need and where God is leading our family. Pray for wisdom and guidance from God.
Thank you so much for reading our story - it really is a story of God's faithfulness and promises. Please feel free to share it with others. I want the hope and light of this testimony to be a inspiration and release of fertility on others. I would've loved to hear this when I was wondering if we'd ever get pregnant! :)
