On Being Blunt

One thing I highly value is efficiency. Whatever is the quickest and most productive way to get something done is the best. While I am a verbal processor and can want to explore things out loud often, when a question is asked that I can answer quickly, I do. Why waste time beating around the bush? Just be honest.

Apparently that's a unique trait.

There have been several times my husband and I have, to anyone else, the most bluntest and honest conversation, usually covering a lot of ground in about 10 seconds. I'm so thankful that he's not intimidated by it, and in fact, appreciates the way we communicate. It would drive me crazy if it took 20 minutes to cover the same ground, especially with someone I know better than any other relationship.

Case in point, we were sitting out on the patio after dinner one night, across the table from each other, and he asked what I wanted to do that evening. Rather than say "maybe we could watch a movie" or "maybe we could go on a walk" with several winks and bats of my eyelashes, I simply said, "I think I need some touch time." I tend to receive love and comfort through physical touch, and instead of suggesting ways that could happen and letting him guess until he got it right, I simply said what I really needed, the deepest, most honest answer I could give. He laughed, and we ended up snuggling on the couch, talking and relaxing. My honest answer gave him freedom to pick any number of options, knowing the real felt need at the time.

But beyond efficiency, I also prize being blunt and honest because it's taken me awhile to be ok with who I am and what I really want to say. I used to be a person who saw my value as very low, and therefore what I wanted to communicate as not important. It's taken a lot of healing and disbelieving lies to get me to feel like I have a voice that people want to hear. I haven't "arrived" at being totally honest (not sure anyone does!), and often have to remember to just "get it out there" instead of letting myself be intimidated by how I think the other person is perceiving who I am or what I'm saying.

But I do feel much better when what's really going on can be put out there instead of waltzing around the issue, hoping someone will know me well enough to guess my needs. I feel safe when I know what is the truth, what is the status quo, and what might happen in the future rather than just guessing and waiting and wondering. I think I do it more for myself than anyone else.

I've also had to learn tact, and how to balance compassion with honesty; listening between the lines. And it's tough, probably just as tough as it is for someone who isn't used to honesty and being blunt. Regardless of your communication style, the bottom line is to listen. You'd be surprised what some people really are saying.