Why Newlyweds Disappear

Starting when I was in college and then until the time I got married myself, I noticed a curious trend with friends that had recently gotten married: they disappeared. Not like really disappeared like in Harry Potter (soooo cool though!), but I just didn't see them that much. They would be absent from daily life and often events that normally I would expect them at. They would do curious things like say "I need to get home before dinner." Or "we're having date night tonight." Isn't every night date night? I mean, don't y'all just have dinner and stare into each other's eyes all the time? It was very weird.

My outlook on marriage at that point was that you get married so you can hang out with your best friend ALL the time as opposed to just a few hours a day, but really nothing else changes. Your current relationships, both male and female, stay the same. You can still be expected to show up at social functions, speak to your friends and family the same way, and have the same level of interest and care for them. 

Yup, not so much. Here's why we disappear. (Or at least, my opinion.)

We're essentially new people. We have consciously made a decision to start a new life together, and part of starting a new life is figuring out how to LIVE. Firstly, how do I live with another person? Why do they fart under the covers and laugh? Why do they take so long brushing their teeth? Does everything really need to be THAT clean? Secondly, if I'm forming a new life with this other person, how well do I know them? My pastor's wife remarked that she remembers wondering 6 months into marriage, compared to when they got married, how little they knew of each other! I need to spend time with them to understand not only their likes, dislikes, etc, but who they are as a person and how I can help them become the best version of themselves possible. These answers don't just come magically when you say "I do," walk down the aisle, and are suddenly married. They come over time.

It's not that I don't want to hang out with my friends, relate with them the same way, and/or spend time and energy pouring into them, but I've found a new person that is my priority. This is not to say I don't do any of the former things AT ALL, they just are put aside for a bit as my husband and I figure out who we are, who we want to be, and how this whole marriage thing works.

Eventually, we'll get to a place where we can reintegrate, if you will, but it takes a little time. It's hard because it's different, yet so so good. And it's needed. I promise!