Coming up for air

Recently life has been hard. We're in the midst of it. In the thick of it. We know there's a way out; we know it will end. We just don't know how. {I apologize for the vague-ness of this post - will post details when it's appropriate to do so.}

This past week was especially hard - trying to make it through the situation we're in while also waiting for news on a possible new situation that could "rescue" us. We were supposed to find out on Friday what would happen. I was looking forward to Friday all last week. Maybe they'll call early, today. Then we can know now! The week dragged on; we heard nothing. Friday came. I woke up, weary and done with the week, hanging for dear life on the hope that by the end of the day, we would know SOMETHING. All day Friday, I was checking my phone every 10 minutes. It was really hard to focus on the tasks at hand - I could focus for 15-20 minutes, but then would be sucked back into the reality of anxiety. Waiting. Fear. What's going to happen?

Even when I went to work out, ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT was finding out the news. The news. Just tell me something. Yes or no. What's it going to be. Six o'clock rolls around, and Brent finally calls the guy and we get SOME news. We need to wait a little longer. Hang out in limbo. Almost there.

Very anticlimactic.

I just melted onto the couch. All the stress of having a day-long anxiety attack was too much. I didn't know what to do. Despite my laid-back attitude, I don't deal with stress well. It kind of overtakes me and I have no usual way to get out. So we talked. And prayed. And cried. And remembered that God is good, that He has a plan, that He knew this would happen. And really, there's nothing we can do for the weekend. We can either choose to be miserable or choose to enjoy the freedom of knowing God is in control. We chose the latter.

We ate amazing sushi and watched Antiques Road Show. I had brunch with basically my bridesmaids and house party. We had a double-date wine picnic. We adventured to Fiesta for our grocery shopping. We hung out with another couple in our house while they graded papers and we experimented in the kitchen, conversation flowing freely. We served our church and were encouraged by each other and also a few surprise people. Slowly, we crawled out of the depths into some sense of normalcy.

This morning at church I was reflecting on how different Friday at 6 pm to today was, and came across 2 Corinthians 7 (MSG):

"When we arrived in Macedonia province, we couldn't settle down. The fights in the church and the fears in our hearts kept us on pins and needles. 

We couldn't relax because we didn't know how it would turn out."

I actually don't have a clue why they were so nervous specifically, but man! That's what I felt like! The passage goes on to talk about how a visit from their friend Titus took them from "worry to tranquility in no time!" I was amazed that someone else, namely Paul and his friends, got just as anxious and worried as I did! I'm not a weird basket case that can't keep it together. I'm a human being!

We're still in the waiting stage, but I think we've learned a little peace along the way. There are still hard decisions to be made, and wisdom to be discerned. but at least for this weekend, we have come up for air. And it's clean. It's fresh. It's perfect for what we need.