The O-vershare

Marriage does interesting things to people. One thing I've noticed is I'm suddenly aware of what I say about my husband. I was aware of how I spoke of others before I got married, and tried my best to be honoring and truthful, but when you know someone deeper and more intimately, it follows that there is more to share. Plus, I've noticed that society has made it perfectly acceptable, and almost normal, to "complain" about one's spouse. Somehow, when you get married, you're allowed to bemoan all the things you don't understand:

Why does he have so many white tshirts?

Can't he move the dirty dishes a mere few inches to the dishwasher? Is it that hard?

Does he really have to leave everything so dirty and gross? Boys are soooooo gross!

And on and on. Unfortunately, I am tempted often to overshare and complain. Sometimes the reaction is affirming in my complaint (not healthy, though), sometimes there's crickets and I immediately regret my comment. But what is really beneficial? Does someone really need to know that tidbit? Would I want him to share a similar anecdote about me? Usually the answer is no (if I have time to think about it!). Just because I have information doesn't mean I need to share it.

But sharing is so much fun!

Yes, yes, and yes. Sharing is a natural expression of joy - my joy is actually multiplied when I share it with someone. There is something magical about another human being agreeing in something good and rejoicing with me! Sharing is also a great way to bond with others and find similar threads of interest and thought. When I share something especially honest or vulnerable, it invites others to do the same while also sharing who I am and how you think.

I was recently struck by this Relevant article that listed 5 or so questions to ask before you posted something to social media. As I read through the list, I realized how many times I shared something I probably didn't need to. And how many times I used social media to reassure myself I wasn't crazy instead of being confident enough to keep it inside. Getting affirmation from strangers is not as satisfying as knowing within myself who I am, right?

Anyways, here's a short version of the list, because clicking on the above link and reading the whole article takes too much time: {sarcasm yo!}

1. Am I seeking approval?
2. Am I boasting?
3. Am I discontent?
4. Is this a moment to protect?
5. Is this kind?

To me, the most poignant of the questions above was #4. Just like when you take a picture of something, but in the taking forget to take in the atmosphere and experience, you miss out. There have been several times I wish I had my camera to catch a moment, but realized I caught it better in my mind than a camera or photograph could ever do. Such is with sacred moments - let them be. Sometimes it's best to have secrets!

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

-Philippians 4:8

I want to only share what is good and encouraging. I don't want to be fake, I want to be real, but with the lens that all things are made good in their time. I want to be respectful, and I want to preserve sanctity and intimacy. And I want others to do the same with me.