The first day back at work after returning from my honeymoon, my intern was following me around as I was rounding on my patients. After writing a note in a patient's chart, I signed my name as usual, but then stopped short and stared at the only signature I'd ever known: Rebecca May. She noticed my pause, saying, "Aren't you going to sign your new name?" I was dumbfounded. I guess so? What is my new name? How do I sign it? Is it really MY name yet? Is it official? Who says?
It wasn't until a month later, after submitting paperwork and driving all across town that I held two, small pieces of paper that announced indeed, I was Rebecca May Bassett. It wasn't until then that it felt real. I would go to a doctor's appointment, but get confused when they asked my name - am I Rebecca May here or the new one? Con artists must be pretty smart to keep up with all the aliases they have! I could barely keep straight who knew which name and when people questioned my pause, having to explain the situation. I know who I am, I promise!
One step in the journey to becoming Mrs. Bassett was leaving behind my given name: Rebecca Suzanne Jecha (ye-ka) May. Oof, I know, it's a long one. But it was mine. I was originally sans the Suzanne, added when I was 5 years old. The only thing I remember about the name change announcement from my parents was my deep sadness that I wouldn't be able to rhyme my name anymore - Rebecca Jecha May had such a nice, rhythmic ring to it!
So there was a process or handful of moments when I would stare at the new name, then back at my old one, and mentally release my identity as the former in order to fully embrace the latter. As it goes with changing your name, so does your identity. What you are called greatly impacts your identity, who you think you are, and how others perceive you. Naming children must be such a weighty task!
Another thing I realized was that I actually began the name-changing process 10 years ago at Camp Eagle when my friend Mitchell randomly asked one day, "Hey, can we call you Reba?" I had no objections, it sounded cool, so I obliged. Unbeknownst to me, God was preparing a new chapter for my life, one that began small, but as I graduated, moved to Kansas, then moved to Austin, it began to write itself into the most beautiful, redemptive story I could never have thought up. Since moving to Austin, God has increasingly dug into my heart, exposed the lies and hurt that was there, and graciously and warmly healed and redeemed who I thought I was as He was forming me into who I actually am. Thus, my new name began to rest comfortably in a new heart: Reba.
So when I married my husband and "took" his last name as my own, replacing my past with my future, I was in essence forming my new identity.
Reba Bassett, an entirely new woman in more ways than one.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Why I Write
I'm not a professional writer, but I do enjoy expressing my thoughts verbally and on "paper." Typing seems to be the fastest way for my thoughts to record themselves, and I often find myself typing my journal entries instead of physically writing them because there is just so much to spew out.
I never know when I'll have an observation, idea, or topic I feel the need to write about; it just happens. Sometimes the only way to fully understand and process something is for me to explore it through writing. Akin to a sudden need to use the restroom, the illustrious David Sedaris has remarked that he often can't control his writing prompts, creating lots of awkward situations in which he MUST WRITE in the basement instead of spending time with his in-laws upstairs, in one example. I usually write ideas in my phone to look at later when I'm uninterrupted and feeling the "flow" to write.
But I really just write for myself. I have no desire to be a famous blogger, writer, or have anything go viral - in fact, that would make me really uncomfortable. I write because I want to understand myself, and in sharing it with others, want them to understand me, too. I write because it helps me see my ideas and thoughts in an organized fashion, which is typically not how they initially show up in my brain. I write because it soothes me to have something resolved; something finished and posted. Even though the issue may not be finished, I at least have part of the puzzle I can use as a signpost when I navigate the process later on.
This blog is simply me processing life. There is a lot that is new, a lot that is changing. And I don't want to miss any of it. I hope you enjoy my journey!
I never know when I'll have an observation, idea, or topic I feel the need to write about; it just happens. Sometimes the only way to fully understand and process something is for me to explore it through writing. Akin to a sudden need to use the restroom, the illustrious David Sedaris has remarked that he often can't control his writing prompts, creating lots of awkward situations in which he MUST WRITE in the basement instead of spending time with his in-laws upstairs, in one example. I usually write ideas in my phone to look at later when I'm uninterrupted and feeling the "flow" to write.
But I really just write for myself. I have no desire to be a famous blogger, writer, or have anything go viral - in fact, that would make me really uncomfortable. I write because I want to understand myself, and in sharing it with others, want them to understand me, too. I write because it helps me see my ideas and thoughts in an organized fashion, which is typically not how they initially show up in my brain. I write because it soothes me to have something resolved; something finished and posted. Even though the issue may not be finished, I at least have part of the puzzle I can use as a signpost when I navigate the process later on.
This blog is simply me processing life. There is a lot that is new, a lot that is changing. And I don't want to miss any of it. I hope you enjoy my journey!
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
On Being Blunt
One thing I highly value is efficiency. Whatever is the quickest and most productive way to get something done is the best. While I am a verbal processor and can want to explore things out loud often, when a question is asked that I can answer quickly, I do. Why waste time beating around the bush? Just be honest.
Apparently that's a unique trait.
There have been several times my husband and I have, to anyone else, the most bluntest and honest conversation, usually covering a lot of ground in about 10 seconds. I'm so thankful that he's not intimidated by it, and in fact, appreciates the way we communicate. It would drive me crazy if it took 20 minutes to cover the same ground, especially with someone I know better than any other relationship.
Case in point, we were sitting out on the patio after dinner one night, across the table from each other, and he asked what I wanted to do that evening. Rather than say "maybe we could watch a movie" or "maybe we could go on a walk" with several winks and bats of my eyelashes, I simply said, "I think I need some touch time." I tend to receive love and comfort through physical touch, and instead of suggesting ways that could happen and letting him guess until he got it right, I simply said what I really needed, the deepest, most honest answer I could give. He laughed, and we ended up snuggling on the couch, talking and relaxing. My honest answer gave him freedom to pick any number of options, knowing the real felt need at the time.
But beyond efficiency, I also prize being blunt and honest because it's taken me awhile to be ok with who I am and what I really want to say. I used to be a person who saw my value as very low, and therefore what I wanted to communicate as not important. It's taken a lot of healing and disbelieving lies to get me to feel like I have a voice that people want to hear. I haven't "arrived" at being totally honest (not sure anyone does!), and often have to remember to just "get it out there" instead of letting myself be intimidated by how I think the other person is perceiving who I am or what I'm saying.
But I do feel much better when what's really going on can be put out there instead of waltzing around the issue, hoping someone will know me well enough to guess my needs. I feel safe when I know what is the truth, what is the status quo, and what might happen in the future rather than just guessing and waiting and wondering. I think I do it more for myself than anyone else.
I've also had to learn tact, and how to balance compassion with honesty; listening between the lines. And it's tough, probably just as tough as it is for someone who isn't used to honesty and being blunt. Regardless of your communication style, the bottom line is to listen. You'd be surprised what some people really are saying.
Apparently that's a unique trait.
There have been several times my husband and I have, to anyone else, the most bluntest and honest conversation, usually covering a lot of ground in about 10 seconds. I'm so thankful that he's not intimidated by it, and in fact, appreciates the way we communicate. It would drive me crazy if it took 20 minutes to cover the same ground, especially with someone I know better than any other relationship.
Case in point, we were sitting out on the patio after dinner one night, across the table from each other, and he asked what I wanted to do that evening. Rather than say "maybe we could watch a movie" or "maybe we could go on a walk" with several winks and bats of my eyelashes, I simply said, "I think I need some touch time." I tend to receive love and comfort through physical touch, and instead of suggesting ways that could happen and letting him guess until he got it right, I simply said what I really needed, the deepest, most honest answer I could give. He laughed, and we ended up snuggling on the couch, talking and relaxing. My honest answer gave him freedom to pick any number of options, knowing the real felt need at the time.
But beyond efficiency, I also prize being blunt and honest because it's taken me awhile to be ok with who I am and what I really want to say. I used to be a person who saw my value as very low, and therefore what I wanted to communicate as not important. It's taken a lot of healing and disbelieving lies to get me to feel like I have a voice that people want to hear. I haven't "arrived" at being totally honest (not sure anyone does!), and often have to remember to just "get it out there" instead of letting myself be intimidated by how I think the other person is perceiving who I am or what I'm saying.
But I do feel much better when what's really going on can be put out there instead of waltzing around the issue, hoping someone will know me well enough to guess my needs. I feel safe when I know what is the truth, what is the status quo, and what might happen in the future rather than just guessing and waiting and wondering. I think I do it more for myself than anyone else.
I've also had to learn tact, and how to balance compassion with honesty; listening between the lines. And it's tough, probably just as tough as it is for someone who isn't used to honesty and being blunt. Regardless of your communication style, the bottom line is to listen. You'd be surprised what some people really are saying.
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