The O-vershare

Marriage does interesting things to people. One thing I've noticed is I'm suddenly aware of what I say about my husband. I was aware of how I spoke of others before I got married, and tried my best to be honoring and truthful, but when you know someone deeper and more intimately, it follows that there is more to share. Plus, I've noticed that society has made it perfectly acceptable, and almost normal, to "complain" about one's spouse. Somehow, when you get married, you're allowed to bemoan all the things you don't understand:

Why does he have so many white tshirts?

Can't he move the dirty dishes a mere few inches to the dishwasher? Is it that hard?

Does he really have to leave everything so dirty and gross? Boys are soooooo gross!

And on and on. Unfortunately, I am tempted often to overshare and complain. Sometimes the reaction is affirming in my complaint (not healthy, though), sometimes there's crickets and I immediately regret my comment. But what is really beneficial? Does someone really need to know that tidbit? Would I want him to share a similar anecdote about me? Usually the answer is no (if I have time to think about it!). Just because I have information doesn't mean I need to share it.

But sharing is so much fun!

Yes, yes, and yes. Sharing is a natural expression of joy - my joy is actually multiplied when I share it with someone. There is something magical about another human being agreeing in something good and rejoicing with me! Sharing is also a great way to bond with others and find similar threads of interest and thought. When I share something especially honest or vulnerable, it invites others to do the same while also sharing who I am and how you think.

I was recently struck by this Relevant article that listed 5 or so questions to ask before you posted something to social media. As I read through the list, I realized how many times I shared something I probably didn't need to. And how many times I used social media to reassure myself I wasn't crazy instead of being confident enough to keep it inside. Getting affirmation from strangers is not as satisfying as knowing within myself who I am, right?

Anyways, here's a short version of the list, because clicking on the above link and reading the whole article takes too much time: {sarcasm yo!}

1. Am I seeking approval?
2. Am I boasting?
3. Am I discontent?
4. Is this a moment to protect?
5. Is this kind?

To me, the most poignant of the questions above was #4. Just like when you take a picture of something, but in the taking forget to take in the atmosphere and experience, you miss out. There have been several times I wish I had my camera to catch a moment, but realized I caught it better in my mind than a camera or photograph could ever do. Such is with sacred moments - let them be. Sometimes it's best to have secrets!

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

-Philippians 4:8

I want to only share what is good and encouraging. I don't want to be fake, I want to be real, but with the lens that all things are made good in their time. I want to be respectful, and I want to preserve sanctity and intimacy. And I want others to do the same with me.

The Noise, Part II

Part II: What I Learned from Not Knowing Anything

Observations made during the FB- and IG-less week:

1. How much I touch my phone!
Without FB or IG, I actually noticed I didn't pick up my phone as much. I could check the weather and email, but that was about it. It was an odd feeling, but good because I felt a bit free-er.

2. How much I ignored the people around me
By not touching my phone as much, I suddenly observed that there was a world around me. With people. Who wanted to interact. Before, when I hit a "slow" moment where there wasn't any stimulation or input, I would reach for my phone. During that week, I noticed that I had a choice to actively engage the world around me. I could say hi to a coworker walking down the hall. I could strike up a conversation with a patient. I could go looking for something productive to do. The options were endless!

3. How much other people were on their phones and ignored me
It's an odd feeling. That someone would prefer a small, black box to your brilliant and sassy personality. Especially mid-conversation. I learned so much more than I thought I knew about active listening - eye contact - and DON'T TOUCH YOUR PHONE or even GLANCE at it - people know when you've lost interest and can tell you're done listening. Don't be that person.

4. How much I wasn't missing
Ok, I confess. I did get on FB once, on my laptop, for about 4 minutes. Those were the most wasted 4 minutes of that day - I closed the window and realized, "My life is no much better than it was before." I literally learned nothing of use or value, only facts and tidbits about people I haven't spoken to in years and/or aren't really interested in their lives. If we met on the street, I would say hi and small talk, but life has taken us to different places, and THAT'S OKAY! It's ok that friendships and acquaintances drift apart. It's natural.

I also realized how knowledge can breed pride because you know something someone else doesn't. And fake knowledge at that. How well can you really know someone through FB or IG? What about real life, man to man, deep conversation, crying, support, love through hard times, joy at success, and really understanding one another? I HATE superficiality. I'm a deep person naturally. I realized that FB was a great way to share my heart, but it only made an impact if you know me. And I somehow wasn't as able to keep my attention on the real human beings around me. It was actually embarrassing!

If you haven't seen the following video, take a few minutes and listen:



Next Steps
I've decided to reinstall IG on my phone, and have stopped following several people who I have no contact with and don't really need to know what their lives are about. I am holding myself to only checking it once or twice a day. I'm going to leave FB off my phone so I'm not tempted to check it. The only way I can check it is through my laptop. I also will be going through my feed and hiding those who, again, I don't need to know about their lives. These "rules" are to help me stay engaged in the world around me. We'll see how well they work - I'm sure they'll adapt with me.

So what?
This is ME. This is how I interact with social media and the world around me. This is not you. I pass no judgment on anyone except to say, YOU HAVE A CHOICE. You have a choice to look at your phone or ask the person next to you a question. You have a choice to let social media and your phone overtake your life, your outlook, and how you perceive yourself. You have a choice! Make a good one :)