PMS and Trials

So this week has been ridiculous. Starting off with my emotional weekend, I tried to focus on work. Tuesday night I worked on my budget and discovered that yes, indeed, I have more expenses than income, and that threw me for a loop. Actually I cried a bunch. Wednesday was fairly normal. Thursday my car wouldn't start. Due to a generous friend, I was able to get to work, but 2.5 hours late. The rest of my day was filled with some work, but mostly figuring out how I was going to pay the $650 to get poor ol' Derek fixed. Once I had that figured out, I had to figure out how I was going to get to work the next day. And so on.

And then I sat down and worked on part of my Bible Study that I'm involved in. The day's assignment was to discover in 1 Peter more about trials and the Greek word for trials and why we need trials and why God sends for a purpose trials. And after awhile, I realized the week was just part of a bigger trial that the Lord has me through here. My reactions to most of the "setbacks" of the week were partly due to PMS, but mostly due to the fact that I didn't have the slightest idea how God was going to work it out. I TOLD myself that He would, but I never believed it in my heart, otherwise I would've been at peace. And so I tried to do a lot of the figuring out myself. Which never works: it's just too much to know that you're the one who has to think up a plan.

And I'm slightly embarrassed to realize this because I feel like I should've known this! DUH you can't rely on yourself! DUH you have to trust God. But somewhere in there the Devil just has been beating me up and I forgot His goodness towards me. There are still trials to come, but after the emotional and awful week I've had, I'm so motivated to avoid my reactions that I am purposely remembering His sovereignty when things come up.

I cannot rely on myself for the answers. I can't even rely on my friends and those who support and love me. I HAVE to rely on God. I simply have to. No choice, that is, unless I want to keep crying and end up an emotional wreck again. And that I would like to avoid. :)

A Bit Too Soon

This past weekend was good in several ways: I was able to be with my family (and for a few minutes on Saturday, all together with help from Skype), got to reconnect with my friends, and I realized something about separation and trusting God.

I wasn't really "giddy" about going home, more just excited and "yeah, alright!" That should've been my first sign. When I surprised my mom at work, it was fun, but not as much fun as I thought it should be. And spending time with everyone else was good, too, but had a sort of oh-this-is-what-I-did-before-and-it-feels-normal feeling. Let me explain more.

I realized that I came home too early. (Yes, it was good to see everyone, I promise!) However, church on Sunday morning was good up until we started singing at the end. I was so joyful coming in, entering a place where so many people knew me and cared about me! Yet as I was singing I started to cry, and I can only describe it as my soul was breaking. After we were done, I began to talk to several people, but only made it through a few (oh, how I wished I could've talked to everyone!) before I HAD to leave and sobbed uncontrollably as I pulled out of the parking lot.

My soul knew that this is what I longed for: community where any number of people knew me and my story, loved me, supported me, and would listen to me. And my soul knew that it wasn't getting that kind of love in my new situation. Austin is great in every way except I don't feel spiritually supported. I know of only a few people who sincerely care about my spiritual condition. And maybe I expected to have that instant community once moving here. And I don't.

It will take time, and I think that's why it's so frustrating. I want and feel that I need it now.

So that's why maybe going home this weekend was a bit too soon. I hadn't had time to fully make Austin "my own" and feel at home here, so going back to my former home only made it that much more difficult to come back to Texas. It was a rough ride on the highway. And I have a feeling it will be so too here in Austin at least for a few more months.

Home!

I'm about 30 minutes away from leaving work and heading out on the road! I'm traveling to Dallas tonight, then home in Kansas tomorrow! SOOOOOOOOOO excited!

I've already determined that I will be eating a lot of food, mostly in restaurants, and sleeping a lot. This will be my first out of town weekend since moving here! Yay!

I can't promise a post when I return, but I will post pictures sometime next week.

Oh, and I'm going to be an aunt again in July! Another girl! :)

Randomly Titled

No real theme, just some thoughts:

1. I'm starting to feel more at home, which is great! A huge part of that is getting to know my roommate better. We had to cancel our first attempt at a roommate date last Monday when I was sick, and we don't see much of each other during the week. But! Today, we moved a futon frame from the garage to the guest room, and now I can park in the garage! In addition, the futon frame doesn't fit too well through the door frames, so we had to use our problem solving and teamwork skills. Fun stuff.

2.

I've also been excited about the Olympics, even though they're only a week long. I didn't really understand the opening ceremonies, but I did think it was funny when they had the malfunction with the cauldron, oops! I guess the China opening ceremonies will always be my favorite. Only in Communism can you organize that many people!

3. And... it's Mardi Gras this week! I don't plan on doing anything special except making purple and green cookies for Bible study. And I haven't resolved whether I need to participate in Lent yet, so it may not be that big of a holiday.

4. My experience with church was frustrating this morning. I chose a church that I had gone to twice before, but needed to try again to make a final decision. The (stupid but otherwise good for our health) Austin Marathon was in progress, and I could NOT get across the street. I drove around in circles for at least 20 minutes before I found a way. When I got there, I was already late and missed the singing. I almost left when the pastor announced he would be talking about love and marriage for his sermon. He tried to assure all the single people in the congregation that they could learn something, too, but I beg to differ. I learned, however, that he married after his sophomore year in college, and so most likely did not have much experience with being single and probably can't understand where I'm coming from. Sigh. I also didn't agree with the way he presented his sermon, so I feel confident that it is not the church for me! At least it makes this decision a littler easier to have less numbers on the list!

Texas Trivia

I honestly plan on posting more often. I have been in and out of sickness the past week and thus unable to entertain and update you, though I'm sure I never did the former.

In lieu of something actually interesting (because my brain is still befuddled from the snot), here's a forward I received from my friend Dawn not long after moving to this glorious state. Enjoy!

JUST TEXAS Pep , Texas 79353 Smiley , Texas 78159 Paradise , Texas 76073 Rainbow , Texas 76077 Sweet Home , Texas 77987 Comfort , Texas 78013 Friendship, Texas 76530 Love the Sun? Sun City , Texas 78628 Sunrise , Texas 76661 Sunset, Texas 76270 Sundown, Texas 79372 Sunray , Texas 79086 Sunny Sid e , Texas 77423 Want something to eat? Bacon , Texas 76301 Noodle , Texas 79536 Oatmeal , Texas 78605 Turkey , Texas 79261 Trout , Texas 75789 Sugar Land , Texas 77479 Salty, Texas 76567 Rice , Texas 75155 Pearland , Texas 77581 Orange , Texas 77630 And top it off with: Sweetwater , Texas 79556 Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all! Detroit , Texas 75436 Cleveland , Texas 75436 Colorado City , Texas 79512 Denver City , Texas 79323 Klondike , Texas 75448 Nevada , Texas 75173 Memphis , Texas 79245 Miami , Texas 79059 Boston , Texas 75570 Santa Fe , Texas 77517 Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861 Reno , Texas 75462 Pasadena , Texas 77506 Columbus , Texas 78934 Feel like traveling outside the country? Athens , Texas 75751 Canadian, Texas 79014 China , Texas 77613 Egypt , Texas 77436 Ireland , Texas 76538 Italy , Texas 76538 Turkey , Texas 79261 London , Texas 76854 New London , Texas 75682 Paris , Texas 75460 Palestine , Texas 75801 No need to travel to Washington D.C. Whitehouse , Texas 75791 We even have a city named after our planet! Earth , Texas 79031 We have a city named after our state Texas City , Texas 77590 Exhausted? Energy , Texas 76452 Cold? Blanket , Texas 76432 Winters, Texas Like to read about History? Santa Anna , Texas Goliad , Texas Alamo , Texas Gun Barrel City , Texas Robert Lee , Texas Need Office Supplies? Staples, Texas 78670 Want to go into outer space? Venus , Texas 76084 Mars , Texas 79062 You guessed it. It's on the state line. Texline , Texas 79087 For the kids... Kermit , Texas 79745 Elmo , Texas 75118 Nemo , Texas 76070 Tarzan , Texas 79783 Winnie , Texas 77665 Sylvester , Texas 79560 Twitty, Texas 79079 Other city names in Texas , to make you smile...... Frognot , Texas 75424 Bigfoot , Texas 78005 Hogeye , Texas 75423 Cactus , Texas 79013 Notrees , Texas 79759 Best, Texas 76932 Veribest , Texas 76886 Kickapoo , Texas 75763 Dime Box , Texas 77853 Old Dime Box , Texas 77853 Telephone , Texas 75488 Telegraph , Texas 76883 Whiteface , Texas 79379 And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City Kilgore , Texas 75662 And our favorites... Cut n Shoot, Texas Gun Barrell City , Texas Hoop And Holler, Texas Ding Dong, Texas and, of course, Muleshoe , Texas Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say aboutfolks from Texas ... If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas ; If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ; If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ; If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas ; If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ; If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas ; If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas ; If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas ; If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas ;

When Being New Sucks

I think rental car agencies and I have a love-hate relationship. Either they're super nice and give me a Mustang upgrade or they refuse to give me a car because I don't have the unannounced $300 deposit. The latter is just a small part of the really bad start to my first day off today!

I had set out today with 3 tasks: drop my car off at the shop/pick up rental car, go to doctor's appt about my cough, and register & title my vehicle in Texas. I succeeded in none of them. None! And the reason for two out of the three was that I was NEW.

Heregoes.

As I'm driving to the auto shop, I called the rental car company to ask for them to pick me up. The associate asked me if I had a major credit card, which I don't, and if not, I needed to provide a pay stub and utility bill in order to establish credit (of which I only have a pay stub - at home). Whhhhaaaattt? Yeah, that was NOT on their website. My mind flashed back to when I flew into Austin in December for my interview and did not have the $300 deposit required to rent a car. Really? When were you going to tell me that?

So I'm now in the auto shop parking lot, frustrated and trying to figure out how I'm going to drop off my car & do all the errands I have that day. The owner of the shop offered to talk to them, and a minute later came out and said they would give me a car! I don't know what magic words he used, but I was glad! The day was starting to look up.

The rental car company picks me up and we begin the check-out process, when lo and behold, my debit card won't go through. The amount is for the $200 deposit they require, and I deposited a nice payroll check on Friday, so I'm confused. A long call to my bank later, I learn that since I deposited it after 4:00 (I get off work at 3:30!) it won't go through until TONIGHT. Does that make sense? No, but apparently to them it does.

So I cancel the reservation and have the rental car company take me back to the auto shop. Did I mention I'm about to break down at this point? I'm so frustrated and angry - I'm sure the guy driving me back was like, "Dude, what's wrong with her? It's just a rental car." But it wasn't. It was my means of transportation in a scary, large city where I knew a handful of people.

After picking my car up at the auto shop without it getting fixed, I proceeded to the doctor's appt. Because I'm new and don't have insurance, I'm limited in my health care choices, so I just went to a urgent care clinic set up by my employer. I learned that I would need to see a specialist, and once again, because I'm new, this will cost a lot.

I had one more thing on my list: register & title my car. I wait in line and finally when it's my turn, go sit down with my file of papers. I wanted to make sure I was prepared, so I brought everything! All to find out I need to buy insurance NOW because the kind I have is not covered in Texas and I think, I'm driving illegally. But referencing the embarrassing event at the rental car company, I don't have money to do so today, so I told her I would be back later. Sigh.

Sometimes these days are best remedied by reminding oneself of the stable things in life. However, being new, I have very little of those things. Oh, to be settled and established!