From Grieving to Dreaming

I'm a firm believer that the Lord gives extraordinary grace when we go through extraordinary experiences. The fact that I was let go of a job I loved dearly on a Thursday and by Sunday was excited about the next possibility all is an example of His amazing healing power. That's not to say it wasn't hard. Because it was such a shock, I spent hours processing and crying and journaling and praying and crying and sleeping, but in 3 days I was turning the corner of my new future. Looking back, I'm amazed I'm still sitting upright.

I began to realize the job I had was not the perfect one for me anymore. When I moved here to take it in January 2010, it was the perfect job, just what I needed. But with all the Lord has changed in my heart and mind this past year, it no longer was a good fit. I found myself trying to do new things with the same tools and resources, and it just didn't work. My new perspective, internal process, and vision for my life just weren't fitting in well. I tried to push it, mold it, and stuff it in a box that just wasn't the right shape, but now I see I need a new box. I need a new field, rather.

Because the Lord times things so well, the chapter I was on in the book I'm reading (Supernatural Power of a Transformed Mind by Bill Johnson) was titled, "Dreaming with God." (I already ordered his book on this topic from amazon :) It profoundly shifted my idea of what this new season could hold. Most of us have jobs or do activities out of necessity - not because we want to and it's our passion. A small minority work in jobs that flow so well with who we are and what we want to do. But often, we aren't allowed that freedom to dream; we have to make a decision when we're 18 so there's a way to pay for the college we're about to attend, we have to feed a family, we need a place to live, etc.

But what if we were allowed to dream?

What if God said, "I'm going to give you one huge idea, and I want it to shape every breath of your life, every bit of ministry, every prayer. The idea is, 'On earth as it is in heaven.' Now go! Run with it! Make it happen." (-Bill Johnson)

"If you abide in me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." - John 15:7

I've spent the past week reflecting on this question. What is my dream? I've never had the opportunity to dream like this, so the answers are coming slowly. It's like giving a child from the slums a million dollars - they have no clue where to even start!

But I do know this - the Lord has a plan. He has it all worked out. My Daddy upstairs will provide every step of the way. All I need to do now is just rest, remember what it's like to be a child with God, and HAVE FUN! It's all an adventure, right?

Where have you been?

Let me explain.

September 1, 2011 I started D-School which subsequently and beautifully took over my life. We graduated at the end of March, and it took a few months to remember that yes, I can just hang out every night if I want to, and yes, there's time to do laundry and grocery shopping during the week! It was a great delight to have my schedule free again.

Over the past several months, as my eyes gaze across my internet toolbar, I remember "Oh, I should blog about something!" And occasionally after a profound thought and story I think everyone should hear, I think I should sit and type and verbally process my experience. But I always had something "better" to do and shrugged it off.

Well, I'm back! I now have an undetermined amount of time to sit, process, type, post, and expunge all my thoughts and dreams. How did I get so much time on my hands? Well that shall be the first topic I blog on... how I lost my job. :)

P.S. I'm not going to rip my former employer or coworkers, go on a rant about everyone sucks, or invite legal action against myself (do y'all know me?). I probably won't even talk much about how it happened. Just how I'm doing. That's what these things are for, right?