Thoughts on my trip home

1. When is it time to split up the large family gathering? At both of my parents' family's gatherings, comments were made about how it just seems too much to get everyone together. It's mostly due to the age of my grandparents, who are hosting, and seem really stressed about even just that. You can certainly alleviate any stress by having the family bring all the food and the host not having to make anything, but even then one of my grandmas was still stressed. I'm just wondering when you make the decision to do Christmas in smaller gatherings? Surely you want to see everyone, but sometimes the family just gets too big. My mother's family stopped meeting at our grandma's house when I was little and moved the gathering (up to 30 people) to the church basement and most recently the community center. But now the community center is being bought, so I'm not sure what will happen. My grandma suggested us just going out to eat, but I think potlucks are so much fun! Hmmm.

2. My family is so comfortable and feels so right when I'm around them. I'm amazed that we can catch up and talk just as if it was yesterday that we saw each other. And I love that the houses and people are the same - certainly, with some changes - but for the most part, the same. It's such a comfort, especially this past year with A LOT of changes, to have some things be the same. Sigh.

3. This isn't related to home, but I'm increasingly amazed at the relationship between salt and water. I have to put salt into my humidifier to make it turn into steam. I put salt in my nasal rinse bottle. If you eat too much salt and lots of water, you may retain water and gain weight. Water follows salt. Yet they're almost opposites - one dries out and one moisturizes. Interesting.

4. This week will be a good week to catch up at work and home after my long trip, host some Christmas gatherings and be with friends, and generally relax and get some projects done. The two projects I'm thinking of are scrapbooking-related: first is to finish my personal scrapbook up until my move to Texas (one year ago). I'm usually up to date, but I've neglected it for the past year. My other project is to "stitch" together the 12" x 12" scanned scrapbook pages of my Grandma May's album. I had to scan them in two parts for each page since my scanner isn't 12x12, so part of the project will be looking for a free software that stitches pictures. They make it for PCs, but not Macs, as far as I've seen. Anyone with expertise in this area? :)

5. I love my family! I'm super blessed to know them and have them a part of my life. At one point, one of my uncles told me he appreciated my faith and positive outlook despite my circumstances. It filled him with joy to see the "younger" generation praising God and following after Him. Little comments like that just make me so happy to be a part of the family I am - one that loves God, too! :)

A Year of Being New

I'm home in Kansas for Christmas celebrations, and had some down time so I thought I'd scrawl a few thoughts about this year.

As the calendar and my first year in Austin come to a close, it's time for some reflection and review of my life thus far.

2010 was a very hard, amazing, and growing year. If you count part of last December as part of this year (which I will for purposes of this review), here's a summary of events:

Graduated with a master's degree

Procured employment

Moved to Texas

Began my new employment

Was treated for a fungal lung infectional while not on health insurance

Found a new church and small group

Began understanding my life away from my family

Explored and fell in love with Austin

Paid off about $12,000 in debt already!

Am currently under treatment for flare-up of my autoimmune disease

When I teach a stress management class at work to my patients, I always include a "stressful events" list that includes a lot of big life events like moving, losing a loved one, change in financial status, etc. I'm pretty sure that most of the events above are on that list! Good thing I do not get stressed easily.

When I think about this past year, I am filled with contentment. However hard it was, it was good for me. I successfully moved to another state and essentially began a new life. Being a part from my family has probably been the hardest part, especially during financial/car crises, sickness, and just plain not being near them. Starting over in a new city was also a big event, and is still taking up a lot of my emotional energy and time. From finding how to get to work, where to buy groceries, and where to exercise to bigger things like finding a church and small group community that I can grow in were all parts of moving to a new city and state.

And then there was the crises: car won't start, lungs are moldy but no health insurance, your autoimmune disease has relapsed. But through it all, the them was that God WILL PROVIDE. He always does. I know this now more than ever because of what He has brought me through and how it has changed me. I know I am a different person for what I have experienced this past year, and I am learning more and more about myself everyday. It's such a beautiful experience, to be stripped of all that's comfortable and familiar, and have to start over with only God as your source of strength, hope, and continuity. But He was faithful. And He always will be.

As I look to next year, I can only hope that the Lord continues His work of molding me and changing me. As much as I avoid change, I also embrace it because I know how valuable it is. I also hope to deepen relationships that I have begun and specifically find a purpose and place in my "new" life. I have an overwhelming feeling that the theme of next year is going to be "New" and I that I haven't even begun to tap into the newness that is all around me - both spiritually and relationally.

So... let's take a poll. Now that I'm not necessarily "new" anymore, should I change my blog title? what should I change my blog title to?

Diet Dr. Pepper... Friend or Foe?

A few months ago, one of my coworkers announced that she was going on a diet. I was inspired by her, and also wanted to avoid any judging during lunchtime that may be had. So! I decided I would take a HUGE risk and try Diet Dr. Pepper.

I checked the Nutrition Facts: 0 calories! No HFCS! Wow! And...

It didn't taste ALL that bad.

I know, I know. But realizing that it tasted okay enough for me to get my carbonation and sweet craving out of the way, I thought of it a good option. I announced my fortune to my friends, who immediately told me about the AWFUL AWFUL effects: bone deterioration, seizures, eyes bugging out, etc. (Ok, the last 2 aren't true). So, I decided I would do a little (reliable) internet research. Here we go.

My first stop was this snopes.com article, where I read up a bit on aspartame, the artificial sweetner that makes diet soda taste so good without HFCS. I discovered that NO, aspartame has not been shown to cause health problems such as methanol toxicity, fibromyalgia symptoms, spasms, numbness in your legs, shooting pains, headaches, M.S., joint pain, arthritis, slurred speech, blurred vision, memory loss, blindness, etc. The list goes on (and is ridiculous when you actually read through it!). How could one chemical cause all that damage? Well, because it's not true. Quote from the website:

"To date, the FDA has not determined any consistent pattern of symptoms that can attributed to the use of aspartame, nor is the agency aware of any recent studies that clearly show safety problems."

My next stop was the Mayo Clinic website, which has a wealth of knowledge, and of course, all of it is reliable. This article, written by an Registered Dietician, clearly points out that while there are no known ill effects of aspartame and diet soda in general, there are better options, like water or juice.

I know that I could be drinking water, but from what I've read and heard, diet soda really isn't all that bad. Most of the websites or information that states it is bad for you does not measure up to my reputable information standard, so I can't trust it.

To satisfy my sweet tooth at lunch, I now drink some Crystal Light sweet peach tea. It has only 5 calories and satisfies that need for something sweet at the end. If I do get a craving for Dr. Pepper, which only happens once or twice a week now, I most certainly will try the diet version. Appears to be okay for me! :)

God Provides (Part 39584): The Gift Cards

I mentioned that a few weeks ago I was able to go home and see my family. While there, my mom showed me a gift card she had received in the mail from dELiA's, a retailer I used to buy clothes from ALL the time. The letter said we had a credit with the company, and here was our gift card! I was shocked, mostly because the last time I bought something from them was AT LEAST 8 years ago. EIGHT YEARS! How could it be? But it was.

Then my hospital, who typically throws a large "holiday" party, decided to forgo the festivities and just give us all $50 gift cards. Fine with me!

So. Yesterday, the biggest shopping day of the year, I left my house armed with the two said gift cards on a mission to buy my Christmas presents. My first stop was at the dELiA's store in the Lakeline Mall, about 10 minutes from my house. I could've used the gift card online, but when it comes to buying clothes, I need to see and touch them before I buy them. On my way to the mall, I realized one important thing:

I hate malls.

With a passion. Something about the ridiculousness that is parking, the amount of people, their lack of awareness that they're standing in the middle of the passageway, and the sheer chaos of so many voices and flashing lights makes me want to run away. I would much prefer to go on a weekday in the afternoon when no one is there, but seeing as I work, that's not possible. So I scouted out the best parking spot I could find, made several mental notes of where I entered the building (JCPenny's, by the UT athletic wear, go up the escalator, take a left, in the mall), and began my search for dELiA's. Once entering the store I realized that I was probably the oldest person in there, including the manager.

The clothes resembled a cheaper version of American Eagle, and I set to work with my critical eye, trying to discern what, if anything, I could wear. I finally settled on a dressy tank top for me (need something for Christmas services) and a short-sleeved sweater for Meaghan. I tried both on, made my purchase, and made a beeline for the exit.

And then I breathed! It was over! After stopping at 1/2 Price Books, I had completed most of my shopping. I felt relieved that I had braved the crowds, but most importantly that I didn't have to spend any of my own money!

As evidenced by last week, the LORD has been showing me so faithfully that He provides ALL my needs, including Christmas presents. I have no idea why, 8 years later, dELiA's decided I needed $60, but the LORD did. And it's just beautiful because it is SO CLEAR that it was Him who provided. There is no rational explanation, and I love it!

The LORD provides!

Overwhelmed!

Last weekend a coworker flew me home to see my family. I was literally in Kansas for 24 hours. On the plane for 7 hours, in Lawrence for 24, but TOTALLY worth it. It was a great little "jump start" to get me through the next 20 days until I go home again!

This week has been so fun and ridiculous and crazy! And it's all been good! The Lord continues to show me EVERY SINGLE DAY how good He is and that He cares. It simply astounds me! For example:

Tuesday. After work, I went to get my blood drawn, then to work out. I then joined some of my friends for some sand volleyball which lasted a couple hours. On a whim, I stopped by P. Terry's to get dinner and then picked up Dawn (not planned) because we were headed to the same place. On our way to our destination, my doctor called (at 8:00 pm, so you know it's serious!) to tell me my blood was way too thin (INR of 13) and I needed to go to the nearest ER to get some Vitamin K. It meant a change in plans, but Dawn and I ended up just hanging out in the ER for a couple hours and were able to catch up on life, which was great! And come to find out later that the event we were going to was actually cancelled!

Wednesday. I worked a 12-hour shift, 6 AM - 6 PM, so after going to the gym, I was pretty tired. I wound up at my hope group (small group), where we went around the circle and prophesied over each other, basically encouraging one another with how God sees us! Everything that people said about me was so true - like that this was going to be a time of finding my identity, that one person saw me as a lighthouse, and my favorite was about a surfboard. One of my friends said that she saw me surfing and though it was dangerous, God was my surfboard and no matter how impossible things seemed, He would provide (this would become huge the next day - read below). It was so filling and amazing. I am so thankful for the community that God has given me!

Thursday. Last week, amongst some other crazy things, I got a flat tire and had to call AAA to change it. I've been riding around on my full-sized spare for a week or so, but at the prodding of my friend, I went to get it fixed since I would be driving out to camp this weekend and there's plenty of dirt roads and construction to ruin any spare tire I had. I wasn't sure about how I was going to pay for it, but I trusted that the Lord would work it out. I dropped my car off and then went to work out. When I came back, the guy just handed me my keys and said, "Have a great weekend!" I was dumbfounded. No charge! The Lord totally made the impossible possible! Such a small thing, but so important!

So now I'm at Camp Eagle, trying to process all the craziness that's happened in the past 2 weeks. I'm here to teach the Walkabout students (gap-year program) on exercise and stress management. I'm doing it in 2 shifts - I did half the students last night and it was pretty fun. If accreditation goes through with John Brown University, the students could be getting 12 hours of college credit and I could be adjunct faculty! Woot!

Needless to say, there is a lot going on in my life. But the Lord is good!

On Being Needy

This week has been rough. I had an excellent Sunday, full of activities that gave me life, and much rest as well. Monday hit like a ton of bricks.

I met with my ENT doctor, who informed me that the recent MRI of my eye showed my autoimmune disease flaring up. NOT the news I wanted to hear. This happened only 2 years ago, so I was quite surprised at the diagnosis. However, the Lord is good and I've been through the treatment before (low-dose chemo, steroids, antibiotics), so I know it will be good for me, in many ways.

Today was particularly stressful because my supervisor was absent, leaving just two of us to man the outpatient clinic and see inpatients as well. I got super internally frustrated (I'm really good at keeping it in), and ended up just being stressed. My coworkers are pretty good at sensing this, and finally when my supervisor did come in, she said, "Ya know, you need to let us know when you need something. Please."

I know I'm not good at asking for things. This has happened before when other health concerns have gone unannounced to my family, who would take joy in praying for me. I honestly am not sure why I do this. I know, at least, that it's because I don't want to inconvenience people, and I think that they don't need to be bothered with my problems. I'm learning a lot about myself through this process, but one of the most painful lessons is to ask for help.

On Sunday one of my friends, who has gone through a pretty horrible 2 weeks, was talking to me about how she doesn't feel guilty for being the needy one. She is confident that she needs others, and is not shy about asking for prayer, counsel, or your time. I understand that it takes great confidence to do so, but I also understand the other side: I love to meet people in their needs, but if I don't know what they are, how can I help them? I'm trying my best, and hopefully the fruit will be that I will one day be told it's too much. :)

South Beach Diet

Before I start talking about diets, let me make sure that everyone knows the word "diet" actually means what you eat. As in, my diet consists of cereal for breakfast, sandwich for lunch, and chicken for dinner. Or, my diet is high in carbs, protein, fat, vitamin K, etc. So when you say "I'm on a diet" it actually means "I'm eating." Just thought I'd clear that up. :)

A few weeks ago, I realized as I was grocery shopping that I eat the same 5-6 meals and it was getting pretty old. No wonder I hate going to the grocery store - it's the same thing every time! In general, meals that I cook need to be: 1. cheap, 2. easily divided up and easily heated up later, and 3. nutritious and tasty. In search of new, cheap, and healthy recipes, I found myself foraging through a South Beach Diet cookbook. I was pleasantly surprised.

The South Beach Diet was concocted by a cardiologist, Dr. Agatston, who happens to live in Miami, FL. Because it was started by a cardiologist, immediately I was intrigued. This means it's actually healthy! Yay! I read on and learned a ridiculous amount of nutritional knowledge, things I wish they would've taught me in all my years of education on exercise and diet.

Things like... if you eat anything with sugar in it, the time it takes to absorb into your bloodstream (and therefore trigger insulin release) is directly proportional to how high and quickly your blood sugar will spike. If you eat something with sugar in it but also with fiber, it will absorb slower (fiber slows digestion), thereby causing your blood sugar to rise and fall slower. Slower = better.

And... fiber actually has no nutritional content. None of it is absorbed by your body. It's whole main purpose is to slow digestion and help clean out your colon. Amazing, huh?

I'm technically not "going on" the South Beach Diet, just trying out the recipes and learning a whole lot about how food is processed in our bodies. I would recommend the diet to anyone trying to lose weight, but also for anyone who just wants to eat healthier. It's really simple, and you learn as you go, which means you're more likely to stick with it long-term.

I would love to give each of my patients his book. Maybe since he's a cardiologist he'll donate them....?! :)

Yoga

I began yoga practice in college during my junior year. I began in a very small class, led by one of my friends. I then got real excited when I found out one of my instructors taught Hot Yoga, or yoga done in a room that's kept at 90 degrees or hotter. I did that for awhile. When I moved back to Lawrence after graduating from JBU, I went to the yoga classes at KU and supplemented with some Baron Baptiste DVDs. And then when I moved to Austin, I began attending yoga classes at 24 Hour Fitness. So you could say I'm pretty experienced with yoga in general and have attended several types of classes: Hot, Hatha, Vinyasa Flow, Power, and on and on.

In preparation for a talk I'm going to give about Stress Management next month at Camp Eagle, I mentioned to the coordinator that one of the practical experiences I could do was to lead the class in some yoga moves, since yoga is a very highly recommended stress management technique. He wasn't too thrilled, and I was confused. I've had my fair share of "weird" classes, but have not bought into any of the Buddhist or New Age concepts that are often a part of a yoga "practice." In short, I've learned to remain a believing, passionate Christian while also practicing yoga. The coordinator is a good friend of mine, so I asked why he would be uncomfortable with me doing this. He explained that a lot of his professors at Denver Theological Seminary were against it, and he didn't want to step on any toes or lead anyone astray. I conceded that he was the coordinator, so I would respect his wishes.

But what's the big deal? I decided to find out.

Basically, both me and the coordinator have been searching through articles on either side of the issue, trying to not only figure out the truth but also how to present this topic to the students who will be listening. We want THEM to decide and have a good discussion. We've found everything - pros, cons, cautions. And I have to say that I don't know the answer.

I do know, however, that I am not sensing from the Holy Spirit anything negative when I practice yoga. I simply do yoga for the physical, fitness benefits. It's a GREAT workout and really helps to keep me flexible. If there is ever a moment in a class where I'm sensing something New Age-y, I just shut my mind off. I pray. I think about something else. And so far it's worked for me. I believe that you can practice yoga for the fitness and not the spiritual.

I know believers, strong believers that I deeply respect and trust, who have conflicting opinions. So I'm wondering if it's just one of those issues like drinking, baptism, or any other "non-essential" in the Christian life? As with those issues, the real matter is your heart. Where are you at? I think that, above all else, is the only thing you can have an answer to.

I would love to hear anyone's thoughts, too!

Lessons from the 33 Miners

If you were like me, you were captivated yesterday, glued to CNN, watching every moment of the miraculous rescue of the 33 Chilean miners trapped underground for over 2 months.



I had to stop watching a couple times because I was actually tearing up at work! I was listening to the news anchors discuss the joy and hope that was being displayed, and just reveled at how this single event on another continent was giving me and others around me such joy. There is an element of humanity and mortality, and how we all know we will face death, but to almost face it and be rescued is glorious! We are drawn to such stories and people because we see hope, which is not very prominently spoken of today. We see that the bad can be made good, and brokenness can be restored.

How much more is our relationship with Christ? We were sinners, in the darkness, wandering around, and he came and gave us LIGHT and freedom and joy. He took us out of the pit and brought us into new life with joy and hope and restoration! What I witnessed yesterday on TV was such a beautiful real-life illustration of what God has done for us and why Christians should be joyful and hopeful. I am searching for a picture of the family reunions that can print off and hang on my wall. I want to be reminded of this joy everyday!

Happy Fall!

First post of October! I'd like to highlight some fun new stuff that I've done in the past few weeks:

1. Last night was my first visit to a Texas high school football game. If you're not from Texas, it's ok, you may be confused as to why this is such a major event. IT'S BIG. One of my friends is a tennis coach/teacher at a local high school, so she volunteered her free passes so we could go. Another friend that went used to be in marching band like me, and we got there just in time for halftime, thus my experience started with comparing Texas high school marching band to my experience in Kansas. Some differences include the twirler chick who throws the baton (raised from infancy with private tutors), only 2 drum majors (not dependent on size of band), and most notably that the marching band attends ALL games, even away games. So at halftime, the away team goes first and then the home team. Weird. As far as the game goes, the most disturbing thing was that there was no student section! No school spirit! All the students were spread out! How silly, right?

After my experience, my friend remarked to me that the game I just saw was not representative of a true game, and that I would need to visit a more rural location to get the full cultural experience. I'm looking forward to it!

2. I ate at my first food trailer in Austin. Food trailers seem to be a unique occurrence, as several of my friends have remarked they aren't that common elsewhere. Needless to say, the food was amazing and so was the experience. A lot of local Austin restaurants get their start in a trailer, so it's usually a good bet - and pretty cheap!

3. Another food one. I ate at a restaurant called Frank, which served gourmet hot dogs, anything pork, and yes, even a chocolate bacon martini. (Yuck, right? Apparently my friend who ordered it didn't think it was that bad!) The restaurant was really well decorated, with lots of "old" or unique items, like this sweet fan thing on the ceiling that was connected to one motor. Anyways, it was also in downtown Austin, which makes it that much more fun.

4. I love fall in Texas.

5. I just finished the book Atonement by Ian McEwan. Overall, I would not recommend it. All of the people on the back cover seemed to like it (but don't they always?) and even compared him to Jane Austen. Woah, buddy. I found it to be overdescriptive and had a really unnatural, odd plot. The premise of the book (from the back cover) is that little Briony, aged 12 or so, witness a flirtation between her sister and a family friend the same age. Because Briony doesn't have a grasp on adult motives and is just growing up herself, it results in a crime that spans year and years.

After reading that introduction, I started reading the book waiting for the event to happen that would supposedly change the course of everything. Well, it happened, but I didn't see any huge ramifications right away, and so was pretty disappointed. Then, another event happens that I think they actually meant to say was THE event, which in turn does effect a lot of things in the future. So I was thrown off for about half the book. In normal plot structure, you get a few pages of introducing the characters, then a problem arises. The rest of the book is full of ups and downs as the problem is worked out and finally resolved. This book did not follow that structure, so it was really hard to follow and lacked momentum. At times, the chapters were written from the point of view of the mother (who wasn't a main character) or trailed off talking about one of the main character's war experiences. And I had a lot of questions at the end. A LOT. And a lot of ways I thought it could've been a better book. Sigh.

6. Did I mention I love fall in Texas? It's 75 degrees and sunny outside right now!

The Big City

This weekend I went on a mini-road trip to Houston, TX. One of my friends works for a ministry that helps the women get out of the sex slave trade in Thailand and a Houston non-profit (House of Hope?) was sponsoring, as part of Anti-Trafficking Week, an event that included a speaker and booths set up to buy items made by individuals transitioning out of the sex slave trade. It was really fun, and I was an impromptu spokesperson for the ministry because I was standing behind the table! I love meeting people at such events, and we were there far after the event was over, chatting with customers and attendees.

We stayed with her sister, who lives there. Our purpose was to attend the event and then "see" Houston, as I had never been before. As I was preparing for the weekend and telling people about it, it became apparent to me that Houston may not be such an exciting destination as I thought it would be. First of all, it is all city. There are but 2 parks in the whole city limits, and as we found out on Saturday, they are crammed full with people because that's all they got!

I returned extremely grateful for Austin and it's notoriety for being an "outdoor" city, where a hike, swim, kayak, or mountain bike trail is literally only 5 minutes away from anything. And I also came away appreciative of the fact that Austin is, in proportion to Houston, "small."

Let me tell you how big Houston is. It's GINORMOUS. On our way in, the freeway widened to over 12 lanes. TWELVE LANES!!! I guess they need that much room to put all 2.5 million people who live there. Fortunately, all of our activities were within 15 minutes of each other, which apparently is a rare occurrence. The other thing was HUGE about Houston was our church service today. My friend's sister goes to First Baptist of Houston, and there was easily 5000 people in this auditorium at our service. The young adult ministry has 100s of members. It's just huge!

I am understanding more and more that I don't like cities. I will visit them, and fly to them, and spend a few days in them, but I would prefer to live in a more rural area. Not necessarily in the country, but either in a smaller town or just on the outskirts of town. I need my space. I need some air. And I don't need a traffic jam making Mo-Pac turn into a parking lot.

Where's my Texas cowboy rancher when I need him? :)

Movie Reviews: AFI Top 100 #4-6

4. Raging Bull (1980)
I'm not much of a boxing movie fan (but I'll have to be as Rocky is in the Top 100 and I have yet to watch it), so the appeal of viewing this one was low. But since it's #4, I figured it had a good message or some other reason it was a good movie. Raging Bull is a true story that portrays the famous boxer Jake LaMotta and his life in the ring and outside of the ring, the former going well but the latter declining as time goes by. It has a younger Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci, and by watching the special features I learned that De Niro had to gain 60 lbs. for the scenes that were supposed to take place later in LaMotta's life in addition to actually training with LaMotta for the filming. They apparently stopped filming for 2 months and De Niro went to Europe to accomplish the weight gain. Crazy!

Why It's in the Top 100: Turns out, it does have a good message! From early on in the movie, we see that LaMotta is very selfish and self-centered, and if it weren't for his caring manager & brother, Joey, he would be in a lot more trouble. Eventually, LaMotta discovers that he can't have everything and treat people the way he does because they all eventually leave and give up on him. The ending has some hope, as well, and by all records I could find, the real LaMotta is still alive.




5. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Besides the annoyingly-catchy song of the same title, I didn't know much about this film before viewing it. However, since I'm big into development and history and learning how things, practices, and procedures evolved, this was a treat. Set in 1927, the film chronicles the transition from silent films to films with sound. Before the switch, it was your classic film a scene while mouthing the words and then a slide came up with the words that were spoken. When a small silent film production company makes the switch to sound (the "new revolution" in film!), they discover their main actress sounds awful. Drama ensues and of course, so does romance.

Why it's in the Top 100: Besides chronicling the transition and development of film with sound matched to the actions, it's also a cute tale of difficulties and triumphing over them. I really enjoyed the historical aspect of the film, and of course, the famous scene with Gene Kelly singing his song. A all-around fun movie!



6. Gone With the Wind (1939)
If you know me well, you know that this is my FAVORITE MOVIE EVER. PERIOD. It all started when I was reading Ya-Ya Sisterhood and was confused by their references to GWTW, so being the reader I am, started reading the book. And of course, after reading the book, I had to watch the movie. I actually remember being at JBU and taking almost a whole day to watch the movei (4 hours) and the special edition extras (4 hours). Ridiculous, I know. For those who have been living under a rock, this movie is the story of Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh) and Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) and their romance and drama, set in the South during the Civil War and Reconstruction.

Why it's in the Top 100: 1. Notice that this movie was filmed in 1939. Do you know what kind of technology they had available then? Not much! It's amazing to see how well they did with what they had! 2. Clark Gable. 3. It was such a box office hit, as well as Margaret Mitchell's book success, that anyone who was alive when it was released would've known about it. 4. Several famous quotes, the best being, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." (While reading the book, I kept waiting and waiting for that quote to appear. It's actually one of the last lines!) All in all, this movie is a CLASSIC and everyone should at least have seen part of it if not all. LOVE IT!

Here Come the Crazies

I love to be organized. I purchased a few items this weekend like a few baskets and filing boxes and was so soothed by the feeling of peace after I organized the items within them, I was reassured of my inner desire to have everything always organized. I need to sit and think how this all started, but ever since junior high, I've always had a "place for everything and everything in its place." Even at work I tend to tidy up the spaces I find, much to the delight of my mess-inducing coworkers. I even was commissioned on a few family projects like my mom's basement and my father's office at work. I remember my dad saying something like, "You know, Becca, you could start your own business doing this!" I internally thought, first of all, I don't know the first thing about starting a business, and secondly, do people really need organizing that much?

So about a month ago when I was randomly watching Hoarders: Buried Alive, I was surprised to discover that you can be, as a career, a Professional Organizer. And I realized that it is a need. The people on the show were very extreme examples, but I knew there had to be more mild ones. So what did I do? I googled "professional organizer." Whew. I opened a WHOLE new world.

First off, I perused the website of the National Association of Professional Organizers. I learned that there are certifications you can study for and achieve, short, webinar-like classes that can serve as education (since you can't get a degree in organizing), and local chapters of NAPO where you can get plugged in and network with other organizers. If you're interested in finding an organizer as a client, you can search their database and receive a referral.

Then I looked up some Austin-area organizing businesses and browsed those sites, checking rates and services available. I even read the "About Us" section to get a better idea of who these people might be.

That's when I started laughing. Is this a joke?

Nope, it's not. They're just that crazy. Consider this excerpt from Christie's profile: "Christie was born to be a professional organizer. Throughout elementary school, she was well-known for having perfectly organized notebooks and amongst her first home organizing projects was to organize all of her clothes by season and color and alphabetize all of her books. At the end of her senior year in high school, Christie was recognized as “Most Organized Female” in her class."

I was seriously halfway laughing and halfway like, could I ever join these crazies? Their pictures are all nice and neat, straight hair, neat clothing. I looked at my curly, crinkley hair and comfortable style and thought, "Well, if I do ever become a professional organizer, I'll be the rogue and different one." I'm sure ALL of them are Type A, which I am not. My thoughts about doing this myself as a side business were vanishing before me, as well. I no absolutely nothing about starting my own business, and would prefer the security of someone else's efforts and foundation in joining another organizing firm.

Because I'm contemplating joining the crazies, I'm going to the Austin-area chapter's meeting on September 20. It happens to be at my favorite restaurant and according to the president of Arranging It All, who I contacted for information regarding starting in the business, it's a great way to network and find out all you can as you wedge your way into the world of the crazies. He didn't say that last part, but I knew that's what he meant. :)

Repression or Just Healthy Coping?

I know, I know, 2 posts in 3 days, what is wrong with me? Just super reflective, I guess! I'm headed off to Camp Eagle for the weekend, but didn't want to wait until I was back to blog on this.

So this week was rough. I pulled a 12 hour shift on Wednesday and since my supervisor has taken a leave of absence, I've felt a lot more pressure to complete tasks that normally we work together on and now I have no idea what's going on. (See previous post: I Have No Idea What I'm Doing). For instance, normally she coordinates who is speaking at our next support group lunch, and so it was my job to figure that out. I still am super nervous about talking to most doctors - so her idea of having one of the hospitalists speak was not my cup of tea. But you know what? I grew up and made the call. And sometimes you just have to DO it, even if you don't want to.

Thursday, yesterday, was the worst. I was in the ICU, caring for one of my heart surgery patients. While I was typing up a note about him, my other surgery patient stopped breathing and coded. In that situation, everyone in the area rushes to the room to help, and although I'm trained in ACLS, I officially am not assigned a role, especially when there's nurses who do this a lot more often. So I took an observational position outside the room, looking through the small window. While they're trying to establish her airway, the surgeon makes it up and starts doing compressions, shouting out orders I can't hear. He then decides to "go in," and they prepare a surgical tray. I don't think I'll ever forget what happened next. Ever. Since she had just had surgery the day before, her sternum was already broken, so he just cut right through, reached his hand in, and started to literally pump her heart for her!

I was standing next to the chaplain, observing from a mere curious point of view, interested to see how a code was run, who does what, and what decisions are made. The chaplain sighed once and I immediately was brought out of my objective view into the fact that there was a grandmother, mother, and wife in there, fighting for her life, who I had just spoken to the day before when I did her pre-op teaching and assessment. I started to recall our conversation, her anxiety about the surgery, and meeting her daughter. It all kind of hit me and suddenly I realized I was praying for her.

The team left the floor, headed to the OR, and I was left standing there, dumfounded. The other nurses were hanging around, cleaning up the mess and asking who had given what drug and when. There was no pow-wow or debriefing, life went on as normal. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. I returned after lunch to find an empty room. They ended up taking her to the OR to try and fix her bypasses, then to the cath lab to stent her failing vessels, and finally she expired.

If I had not known this patient, I wouldn't have thought much of it. But I DID know her. I spoke to her, helped her understand the specifics of her surgery. And that day, the team didn't just lose another patient, they lost the life of someone who was loved and treasured by her family and friends. To them, the world had stopped. But to the hospital staff, it has to keep going.

I've been wrestling with the battle between my emotions as a person and my emotions as a caregiver. The only way to survive in the ICU and working at a hospital, I believe, is by repressing or not even acknowledging these feelings. If you do, you will end up having a crummy day and not be able to focus, haunted by the thoughts and actions you did or did not take. You instead have to take an objective view and not get personally involved. But how do you remain compassionate and caring in your position?

I know I'm new to working in a hospital, so after time I will learn to cope, but gosh, this stuff is hard.

My First Austin Summer in Review

Caveat: Since I Just pulled a 12-hour shift, this post may not be very clear or comprehensive. I don't have the patience for pictures right now, so just imagine what I've posted previously!

If you are like me and measure summer by the months of May-August, then it is appropriate for me to now look back on my first summer in Austin. Mind you this is not my first summer in Texas, as I sweated away as a backpacking guide OUTSIDE at Camp Eagle for 3 summers previously. I have no clue how that was possible, seeing as I observed several times this summer that it was extremely hot and I had no idea how anyone could live outside, such as I did before. I'll chalk it up to my young age. :)

One thing that helped immensely this summer was the blog 365 Things Austin. It's set up by a real estate agent who has set out to blog about 365 things to do in Austin. The summer posts were mostly outdoor activities, which of several I participated. A lot of the activities were free, like the Music Under the Star event, Blues on the Green, Texas State History Museum, Stand-Up Paddling, and the Zilker Hillside Theatre. I also camped at Inks Lake, played around on Lake Travis, and went hiking near Dawn's house, which aren't all free, but close!

In addition, I got to spend lots of time with my family in Kansas and Florida (and here when my mom visited!), and my newest niece, Claire Abigail was born!

I went to several new places to eat and be entertained, like Antonio's, the Oasis, and Alamo Draft House, which are all Austin-favorites. I still have a few more on my list, but don't worry, there's plenty of time.

All in all, my first Austin summer was AMAZING! There is so much to do in this city and a lot of it is focused on family-friendly, healthy activities. The vibe is definitely one of "come on, join us!" and everyone I've met is very welcoming.

Now comes the fall, crazy right?! Let's see what adventures I can find next!

I Have No Clue What I'm Doing!

Short update: vaca was awesome. Any time that you spend with a ridiculously adorable 2-year old girl and holding/rocking/cuddling with a 8-week old baby is some QT. Not to mention hanging with my bro, SIL, and even my mom joined the fun! I also spent a good amount of time at the beach, mostly just sitting. Not. Doing. Anything. It was great! I really miss and love my family, and being "alone" in Austin gets to me sometimes, so the lil' reunion was fun. Check pics on Facebook.

So I returned to work yesterday, all charged up and ready to go! My energy soon dissipated when I saw the enormous amount of tasks ahead of me in addition to my supervisor taking leave for a family issue, leaving a bit more responsibility to me. One of these tasks is to coordinate the Start! Heart Walk put on as a fundraiser by the American Heart Association, which we, as Cardiac Rehab, are heavily involved in. I have been designated by inheritance as the Company Leader. As in THE WHOLE HOSPITAL. As in COORDINATE YOUR COMPANY'S INVOLVEMENT. ALL OF IT. Now, I must say I'm not doing this ALL by myself, I have some minions that are working with me, but really I am doing quite a lot of it alone. Did I mention I've never done this before? Not only never done this walk before, but never ever coordinated any kind of corporate fundraising effort at all. I have zilch experience encouraging and being creative with slogans, fundraising ideas, and ways to basically get people's money.

But I'm the Company Leader.

It brought me back to when I worked at Camp Eagle and had the bright idea of our staff shirt slogan to be "We don't know what we're doing!" Because in ministry, really, you don't know what you're doing. Sure you're doing SOMETHING, but it's God who really works in the lives around you. The administration nixed the slogan idea because they thought parents would take it literally. :)

And then I thought about how when I was younger I was always amazed that adults with jobs seemed like they knew exactly what they were doing all the time. It didn't take long into my college career to learn that most adults (besides the brainiacs and doctors) have a working, foundational knowledge of what they're doing and trained to do, but there are still holes in their knowledge and they DON'T know EVERYTHING.

So even though I have no clue what I'm doing, I'm going to pretend like I do and ask lots of questions. I'm going to delegate, probably in the form of telling someone to do something I've never done before and actually don't know how to do. And I'm going to take tedious notes so that next year I can adamantly say.... I still don't know what I'm doing. :)

The Pre-Pack

The weekend was wonderful - I went out to Camp Eagle to help out. One of the events was a 100th Birthday Party Weekend for Grandma Grace. Oh, let me tell you about Grandma Grace. My first summer I was introduced to her by my boss as not only at the ripe old age of 94 and our director's grandmother, but an amazing prayer warrior. Already I felt an awe of her faith for the willingness to pray for Camp Eagle and it's staff. This weekend even furthered my admiration. There was at least 150 people gathered together to celebrate a century of this amazing, godly woman, and at times it brought me to tears, especially when she prayed over her family. One major highlight was the cake - and I'm sorry I don't have pictures - but it was gargantuan! It could've fed at least 500 people! It was somewhere around 4 feet by 4 feet. Each family member decorated an edible "quilt square" that was then "stitched" together to form a giant family quilt (Grandma Grace loves quilting) which was the cake. It was ridiculous. Ridiculous!

I stayed a bit longer on Sunday and didn't get home until late because I didn't feel the need to get back to rest up for another week of work. Why, you say? Because I'm stinking GOING ON VACATION!!!!! I leave Wednesday to see these two little squirts:



Which brings me to the Pre-Pack. The Pre-Pack is a time-honored tradition that reduces stress, relieves anxiety, and allows time to plan for a vacation. Approximately 2 days before I take off on a trip (or more if I'm really excited), I make The List. The List outlines what outfits I'm planning for the airport days, clothing amounts, accessories, and any other extras that are special to the particular trip (camera, gifts for nieces, etc.). I then lay out all that I have clean on my bed and take stock. What am I missing? All those items go on a sticky note. If laundry needs to be done, that's the day to do it so I'm not waiting on the dryer the night before I leave. The day before I leave I glance at my sticky note and see what's missing again and what I can contribute. The time between the Pre-Pack and the Departure allows me to remember extra things I want to bring or might have forgotten if I was rushed to pack, thus relieving the stress and anxiety of travel.

You might have just read the above paragraph and decided that I am over-organized and anal. Thank you. It has served me well. :)

Here's to Marco Island in 2 days!

This week was quite the crazy one. I am realizing the effects a full-time job is having on my life, such as need for evening activities that end before my bedtime, fluctuating energy levels (turns out this is DIRECTLY proportional to sleep habits, who knew?), and definite need for a planner in three places to keep everything straight: home Mac, work computer, and my Blackberry. Fortunately, the above changes haven't made me a complete robot! I was kind of afraid my life would get really predictable once all I did was wake up, get ready, go to work, exercise, come home, crash, repeat.

I've had a few weekends that were empty, meaning no big event planned, and that has helped me get caught up on random projects I've been putting off. The kind of projects you think, "Wouldn't that be cool to...?" I've backed up my computer (Mac), which actually took awhile because it was originally formatted for a PC. I'm now in the process of scanning ALL my scrapbooks and uploading them to a website where I can print extras if I or others in my family/friend realm desire to. This will be most useful in replicating my Grandma May's heritage scrapbook I put together last spring.

This week was a little frenzied for several reasons. I usually think of myself as a planner, but somehow since having a full-time job, I've swayed towards the spontaneous side more than I use to. An unplanned sand volleyball game here, pub visit at 10 pm there, and before I knew it I was super drained and forgot to put on makeup on Thursday! :) I realized it after a couple hours at work and fortunately, no one noticed. Another fun, odd, thing that happened this week was the Target shelf fiasco. Let me explain.

Here is my recently-purchased-online shelf.

I purchased it online last Saturday, received a confirmation email with tracking number the next day, and eagerly awaited my new shelf's arrival! This was just not any shelf. This shelf would hold my scanner, new printer/scanner/copier, extra paper, and external hard drive. Currently these items are unattractively sitting on my floor next to my desk. (Why do you need 2 scanners?, you ask. My dad bought me one last summer that's a bit bigger than normal ones so I can scan my scrapbook pages. I went to buy a normal, inkjet printer from Best Buy and the cheapest one they had was $70 vs. the one I bought which was on clearance for $50. So there.)

I checked my tracking number on Wednesday and, lo and behold, it said "delivered" except the town it was delivered to was Red River, OH. Hmmm. I called Target at about noon on Thursday, and after confirming that the shelf indeed was delivered there and NOT to Austin, TX, they sent another one. Thursday evening I got home and bam, there was a box on my step! The shelf! Now I'm confused. Were they super quick or is this some phantom shelf? I'm not certain, but my thinking is that they got the tracking numbers mixed up for someone who bought the same shelf around the same time. So now I have 2 shelves. Don't worry, I'm taking the second one back!

Ok, so I admit that wasn't a super-exciting story, but that's all I've got today. At least my desk-side organization is more aesthetic and functional!

On Being Assertive

Apologies again for lack of posting. I really have no excuse. But heregoes!

My mother's visit was splendid, pics on Facebook. She got to see my work, favorite places to go, and we even tried out a few new things I had on my list - eating at the Oasis and going to see Toy Story 3 at the Alamo Draft House (the movie was sooooo good! bring a tissue!). After she left, I had a crazy week at work entertaining TWO interns instead of one and in general it just being busy.

Last weekend was super fun! I helped my friend Dawn move and afterwards, we went to the lake and just chilled in the water. I LOVE THE LAKE. I might have to make it an official life goal of mine to either live in full-time or own a lakehouse. Certainly living in Austin has not helped to qualm this desire AT ALL. One of Dawn's friends was in town who was getting married in a month on the beach. Since her bridesmaids (and her, and her mom) won't be wearing shoes, she decided to make foot jewelry instead. And that's what we did. I think we started at around 2:00 pm and I left at 11:30 pm! It took awhile, but was still a good time. I definitely have a new respect for jewelry makers. Think about all that hard work next time you buy a necklace! :)

My roommate left for Scotland on Tuesday (for TWO weeks), leaving me in my house. Alone. Have I ever mentioned that I don't sleep well alone? All I need is to know that someone is in the other room, really. Even when living at my mother's house I wouldn't sleep well when she was gone. Sigh. I mentioned this to my coworkers and said, "Maybe I just need a man!" to which they replied, "Maybe just a dog? You don't have to pick up after them!"

Today was my Evaluation at work. It is special because the Evaluation comes only once a year and is the basis for your any raise you might get (I'm new to Adult Full-Time Job World, as you can see). It actually was really good. I was able to see how my employer views my work and also able to express goals and desires for the next year. In general, one area I need to work on is being more assertive. It conveys confidence and importance of the subject to the patient, and in turn results in higher compliance with treatment. Naturally I am very laid back. In addition, my self-confidence isn't very high. The result isn't necessarily a lackadaisical attitude about patient education but more a lack of urgency in getting the message across.

I just prefer to be nice. :)

So how do you become more assertive? Certainly there is an aspect of self-confidence in there, which is more of a personality trait and one that will take time to develop. I'm assuming assertiveness isn't the same as being mean or demanding. So what is it? And how does one become more assertive? Most of the time so far I've been focusing on getting all the answers right instead of communicating those answers in a way that motivates my patients to change. I'm still learning facts and information, so I can only hope that as my knowledge base increases, so will my confidence and therefore assertiveness in delivering my message.

Thoughts?

Momma May is coming!

I really should've posted more this week, but I was so excited and looking forward to my mom coming to visit, I barely had time to think! I have a handful of already-written posts for such occasions, but I even was too busy to do THAT, sheesh.

Let's see, random stuff that happened this week:

1. Checked two more movies off my AFI Top 100 list: American Graffiti (think young Ron Howard) and The Graduate (Dennis Hoffman). I for some reason thought All That Jazz (autobiographical movie of Bob Fosse's life) was on the list, so I watched it, but it isn't! It was still good. I particularly enjoyed the parts where he's in the hospital for 3 weeks because of chest pain. They didn't have the stent procedure around back then, so he just rested until they finally did open heart surgery. Wonderful to see where they've taken it now!

2. Had a mini-freak-out moment but after some journaling and prayer, felt better. God is just taking me on this crazy ride and I never know when stuff is going to hit the fan. :)

3. Attended the Music Under the Star event last night, complete with free Rudy's BBQ and ice cream, and walked around the museum gift shop wishing I could afford the outrageously priced yet so adorable items.

4. Applied for a job at the Container Store, only to find out they don't have any openings. My list of places I would ENJOY working at for a second job is dwindling. Please, God, don't make me work at Target! Next up: Hobby Lobby.

5. And today, I spent 2 hours in the group exercise room at my gym, which actually was a sauna since the AC broke. It was so uncomfortable. And then I step outside and it's not much better. Sigh, hello Texas summer!

An Update on Being New

I recently reminded myself that my blog is subtitled, "I'm New Here," which means I need to write specifically to that topic if possible. I feel that writing every entry about the new things I'm doing and/or how I'm progressing in my transition would be quite boring, especially if that was 2-3 times a week. Time gives a better perspective, so here's my latest update on "being new."

Several months ago, I posted a list of place to visit in Austin that my friend Mark had suggested. Since then, I've completed a few more of them:

1. Attending Blues on the Green in Zilker Park with Dawn, Laney, and Sarah on Wednesday evening. I noticed as we were walking to the park that there's awesome sand volleyball courts there but so far my success in finding information about an indoor or outdoor league has failed.

2. I visited the Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum in April with my roommate on the first Saturday of the month, which made admission free! It was good, informative and visual look at the history of Texas.

My mother is coming to visit in a week, and I'm planning on checking off two more things from the list: Alamo Draft House (to see Toy Story 3) and eating at The Oasis. If she's feeling up to it, we might even attempt to "climb" Mount Bonnell.

As far as feeling "new," it's slowly fading away. Summer in Austin is a GREAT time to see the city and I'm constantly amazed at the free and fun stuff there is to do! I'm a regular follower of the 365 Things to Do in Austin Texas blog, which is where I'm beginning to get a lot of my ideas for what Austin has to offer. Next week I plan on practicing my Stand-up Paddling skills on Monday, seeing a free concert & eating free food on Friday at the museum, and then seeing Annie in Zilker's Hilltop Theater on Saturday. So much to do!

In other realms of life, work is still awesome and becoming really fun and rewarding. I'm finally settling into my role and learning how to expand my ideas for projects. I'm also learning all there is to about having a full-time job! I had no idea! Everything from yearly evaluations & raises to professional behavior and respect, it's so different. I'm getting more involved in my church, Austin Stone, and planning on visiting a few small groups these next few weeks in anticipation of joining them in the fall and meeting new people my age at the Stone!

All in all, I'm understanding that Austin is an awesome place to live and I'm becoming more excited about why the Lord has brought me here! It's really exciting and crazy, but I'm loving it. :)

The Magic of the White Coat

As part of my job, I work in the actual hospital, on the floor, with patients. (My main realm is in an outpatient area). When I first started and we didn't have a uniform policy yet, we would wear long white lab coats over our "street" clothes so we could be more easily distinguished from just anyone. We started our uniform policy in April, which cleared up a lot of confusion for the patients on who was who. However, we still continued to wear our lab coats because we go from inpatient to outpatient settings fairly quickly and if we were to get some kind of inpatient, um, fluid, on us, we would have to wear it the rest of the day. So we wear lab coats.

I have been confused for a doctor many occasions. Usually it's by visitors or the patients themselves when I step in the room. I always explain who I am and my job, so they aren't confused. Today one of the nutritionists (who I can only suspect doesn't know me or didn't read my nametag) asked as I was writing in a patient's chart, "When do you project she [the patient] will be going home?" I immediately said, "I have no idea." Then it hit me when she seemed stunned that she was expecting that I WOULD know since I'm the DOCTOR and all. Funny.

My favorite part about wearing a white coat, though, is smiling at people. Doctors are quite busy and there are plenty of caring and compassionate ones, but when they're in transit like walking down the hall, they are hardly thinking about the people they see. They're usually on the phone or focused on the next task, whether it be outpatient clinic, another surgery, etc. So they don't usually greet those near them. But since I don't have those things to think about, I try and make sure I smile at everyone. And because the visitors and staff don't know I'm really not a doctor, they think, "Wow, what a nice doc! She smiled at me, how thoughtful!" I don't mind pretending in that notion, because then it means they have a good impression of our physicians and their caring nature. I see it on their faces, and it's pretty cool.

And I only went to 2.5 extra years of school, not 4+! :)

Movie Reviews: AFI Top 100 #1-3

Ever since I was in a film class in college, I've come to understand and appreciate the art of film and storytelling. I printed out (and memorized at one point) the American Film Institute's Top 100 Films. They re-did the list a few years ago for their anniversary, but most of the movies are the same. Out of the 100, I've almost half already. They have some evaluation process that I'm not sure of, but the films I have seen on the list are great, all for different reasons.

For some of the films it's been awhile since I've seen them, but since I'm a super-organized type, I want to start with the #1 film and go all the way down the list, posting every now and then when my brain isn't producing any kind of awesome blog topic. If you need an idea for a good date movie or night at home, these might be helpful. Here's the first 3:

1. Citizen Kane (1941)

This was the first film I watched in film class at JBU. I wouldn't watch it when you're in a jovial mood - it's kind of a "thinker" movie if you will. The premise is after a publishing tycoon's death, the reporters try to make sense of his life and death. It's kind of a creepy/different perspective, but it's well worth the viewing as their #1 Film of All Time.

Why It's in the Top 100: The message the film brings across is that money and wealth don't buy you anything except for loneliness and isolation. Without spoiling it, at the end of the film you see the simple and basic need the main character wanted; yet could never buy. I'm very happy that this film is #1 for that reason - money won't buy happiness. AFI obviously believes that's a good message, as well as a good movie.

2. The Godfather (1972)

Last summer I watched all three of the Godfather series films, two of which are in the Top 100. The first film chronicles the Corleone family in 1945 and their aging patriarch, Don Vito, or "the Don." Michael, the youngest son, has just returned from war but doesn't want anything to do with the family "business." Through several events, the family changes and has different ideas about how to run the family. The film ends, and though we all know there's two more films, it leaves it open-ended for the possibility of a sequel.

Why It's in the Top 100: There are plenty of stars in this series: Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, and Robert Duvall. The story is very riveting and brings the theme of change from old to new. And it also contains the #2 movie quote as determined by AFI, "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."

3. Casablanca (1942)

Set in early WWII in Morocco, a cafe owner reunites with an old flame to produce a crazy mix-up of emotions and desire to do anything necessary to get out of Africa.

Why It's in the Top 100: Besides having several of the AFI's Top 100 movie quotes, like "Here's looking at you, kid" and "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," it's got Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in it. It's also just a classic love story, the highest rated in the Top 100.

Out of the next three, I've only watched two, so I won't post again until I've seen the third movie. I'm renting them all from the library, so it might be awhile. :)

Meet my new niece!

Claire Abigail May

Born June 30, 2010

5:16 pm (EST)

8 lbs, 19 inches long

(what a face!! she's all enh, I'm cold!)

Pretty Awesome Weekend

This past week was slightly stressful for many reasons. My cousin was just diagnosed with cancer and work was crazy due to some staffing changes. I was really looking forward to the weekend but didn't really care what I did - just wanted to relax. Well, I definitely did that!

Friday evening I was invited to a dinner at a friend's house. The chef was a friend who had just returned from culinary school in Italy and wanted to share his gift. I was thinking -oh, just some pasta and wine and good conversation. OH MY GOODNESS. It was so good. It ended up being a 5-course dinner that took all night and I loved every minute of it. The group that was invited was kind of an eclectic bunch, and we switched seats often so I pretty much got to talk to everyone. Love it!

Saturday I spent the day on Lake Travis with my friend Stacie and other friends from Camp Eagle. It was really fun to be outside all day in the sun. It probably was hot temperature wise, but we were in the water and shade so much, I didn't even notice. It all ended with a BBQ at Stacie's parent's house and conversation that lasted until midnight. Awesome!

And today I got up early and worked in the yard, mowing and weeding. After a shower and good lunch, I'm ready to relax again for a bit before church. I love my life!

Would you choose to suffer?

I had a very important meeting today with my financial counselor. Amongst the items we discussed was the possibility of me getting an extra part-time job. Ever since I graduated from school in December, I knew at some point I would need some extra income for a few months to help speed up the payoff of some debts. Well, that time has come. I always hoped I wouldn't have to, but now I'm faced with the fact that I might have to.

We had a good discussion about possibilities and she suggested looking at my current place of employment. What an idea! I really had not thought of that. I haven't taken any steps in that direction yet, and for now I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I might be working 50 or 60 hours a week.

I'll be busy. Let's say I want to do 12 hours extra a week. That's 3 days of 4 extra hours (say, 3:15-7:15 pm). I wouldn't get home until 7:45 and in order to be ready for work the next day, I'd need to be in bed by 9:30. Granted it's only 3 days/week, but that means I only get a few evenings a week free. Could I do that?

One thing my counselor reminded me of was to think of times in my life where I had to do something for a year or so that was hard. Or went through a hard time knowing it would be over soon. Immediately I remembered when I've been sick and had to be on the amazing-but-chipmunk-cheek-inducing steroids. I knew it would be over soon. And it was. Looking back it wasn't that hard.

So that's how I'm going to approach this next year. It will be over soon. And in several years, I can look back and say I worked hard to get through it and Lord provided. I firmly believe that if I put forth the effort and trust the Lord, He will bless me and take care of me. Heck, he does that even if I don't trust Him. That's how awesome He is!

Trip Home

My extended weekend home was wonderful! It felt so comfortable and familiar, and while it was easier to say goodbye this time than last time, it was still hard. I feel kind of a limbo-like place where Austin is becoming my home and Lawrence still feels like home. I definitely enjoyed it, though, and have some pictures on facebook for your pleasure. (Side note: when you fellow blogspot bloggers add pics to your post, is there an easier way so they don't all get posted at the beginning of the text? tips?)

This is the first time in my life where I have not had a change in lifestyle or season. I am still working through and through, and while I did take a 5 day vacation, I'm used to having a few weeks off in between activities. It's odd, but I think I like it. Just in transition, learning how to be an adult!

I flew Southwest roundtrip, which is my preferred airline. They're a bit more friendly, sometimes sing for you, and don't charge extra for your bags. I know it's only $10-15 and probably is calculated into their fare, but it's the mere convenience of not having to pay that makes it appealing. AND! If you're quick enough, you can sit in the front row and be the first off the plane! After flying SW over the years I've developed a seat priority plan:

1. First, if ANY of the seats in the front row is open, sit there! More leg room! (Yes, you aren't allowed to have your bag in front of you, but if it's a short flight, just hold your book.)

2. If #1 isn't possible, or it's a long flight, shoot for the exit row. Again, more leg room! They'll ask if you feel ok sitting there and can perform the functions blah blah, but who ever needs to?

3. If none of the above are available, I go for an aisle seat.

Typically, because I stalk the website the minutes before I can check in, I'm in the A group and #1 and #2 are very likely. I'm not a huge fan of flying, so I try to get off the plane as soon as possible and/or stretch my legs out as much as I can.

I just booked my flight to Marco Island in August today and can't wait to go! Maybe I'm obsessed with travel? Who knows!

Romancing the Past

Life is interesting. I've been a little distracted this month with being sick, going to camp almost every weekend, and getting ready for my intern. Now that I'm kind of back in focus, my schedule shifts even more as I'm going home next week. Sigh.

One thing I do want to share is something I learned last night in my Beth Moore Bible study. We were discussing the Israelites and their reaction to wandering in the desert. At one point, they start talking about how they wish they were back in Egypt where they got to eat meat! Oh, how glorious it was! So much better than manna!

Beth Moore's point was that we often romanticize the past when our current situation is rough. We often pull out the old pictures, read our old journals, and take a trip down memory lane in effort to think how great of a time it was.

Visiting camp has been a great distraction this month. Last weekend, I brought my scrapbook so that Jason could look at it. I loved going through it and remembering how amazing those summers were - the Lord working through me, the crazy adventures and nights of thunderstorms. I visited with the summer staff, secretly wishing I could have summers off so I could just even be at camp. But I never though about the mornings I woke up and didn't want to be there, or the storms that gave me hypothermia and made me really scared, or the times I really didn't like Jason for the task that he gave me. At least I never though about it until last night when Beth Moore was talking about romancing the past. Then it clicked. I was using camp to live in the past because I didn't really like my present.

I was bitter.

I keep wanting my trials to be over, to get some respite, to breathe. But I can't do that. I need to focus on today and only today. Yes, it may suck, but it's what I've been given. And what the Lord has given me is for my good, will result in His glory, and it exactly what I need.

I just need to believe it.

A Most Ridiculous Week

So I guess the trial isn't over yet.

On Sunday, after returning from camp, my Check Engine light went on. In the 5+ years I have owned the car, none of the lights had gone on, even when major repair was needed. So I figured it was a good idea to take it into the shop and hopefully this would help them discover what was wrong with the not-starting for me and starting for them issue.

Monday afternoon I dropped Derek off at the shop and picked up a rental car. Tuesday the shop called just to say they didn't know what was going on yet, but they'd keep looking. So far so good. Tuesday evening as I was getting into bed I was COLD, like shivering, teeth-chattering cold, and my temperature shot up to 102 in addition to several trips to the bathroom. Needless to say, I did not go to work yesterday.

The shop called yesterday while I was recovering on the couch and informed me that it would be $1000 to fix the car. CHOKE. I told them I needed more time to think about it, I'd call in the morning. In the mean time, I'm trying to figure out if it's worth spending that much to fix it or would it be a better investment to just buy a new, more reliable car? After talking with my friends, I conceded that I just needed a car that would run. I originally said I needed Derek to last a year while I'm paying off some medical debt, but I hesitantly figured I could squeeze a small car payment in somewhere.

Because I have to be fever-free for 24 hours before returning to work, I wasn't allowed to come in today. So this morning I called the shop, told them I wanted to just trash it and get a new one, and the guy encouraged me to come in and take a look at it. He spent a good deal of time with me, and I was paying attention, but I also could feel myself starting to tear up. You know those times where you're trying NOT to cry and it's just not working? Yeah, that was this time. Here he was trying to convince me that he could SAVE it and it wasn't as bad as it COULD be, and I was just confused because what I am to do now? I was more embarrassed than anything. But he was really nice and understood what I was going through and told me to wait a few seconds while he talked to his boss. The result? A new quote of $600! After some calculations, I said yes.

So this week I have gone from not having a car, to possibly getting a new one, to fixing the one I have, all with a GI illness mixed in. I'm pretty exhausted. But this weekend I'm headed to camp again, and I can't wait. I always find rest there, and I hope that this weekend isn't any different!

Impatient with Inefficiency

Last fall, with impending job interviews in sight, I decided I should practice answers to common questions, like what are you strengths and weaknesses? Anyone can name their strengths, but I was always at a loss for weaknesses. I'm not perfect, I know I have them, but I just didn't know what they were. So I asked my mother, because she knows (me) best.

She said I can be impatient with inefficiency.

Whaaat? I thought about it. And after much observation, it's very true. I'm always looking for ways to make processes easier and better (more efficient), and I do get frustrated when tasks take forever or I get interrupted. Hence, my frustrating day.

I'm still trying to learn time management at work, which is frustrating to me - there should be a better way to figure out what is priority! I have an intern coming in one week, and her binder has yet to be put together. I also have the weekly task of doing follow-up calls, and the more I procrastinate week to week, the more calls I have to make. In addition, I also do a lot of tasks that need to be done but are not done consistently; I'm the only one that is there everyday, so typically that falls to me. And then when it's 3:45 and time to leave, I'm surprised that I have made so little progress on anything.

And then there's my blood thinner. I ran out last week and called the pharmacy to refill. They needed to contact the doctor. Okay, no problem, usually takes a day or so. I phoned the doctor as well to give them a head's up. A few days later, still not filled. Phone the doctor yet again, but it's the weekend, so I don't get a response until yesterday. Yes, he'll fill it, but he wants me to get a blood test (that monitors my blood viscosity) to check and make sure the dosage is right. I agree. The order is faxed to the hospital where I work, and I plan to get it done after I clock out at 3:45. I didn't leave until 5:00. Why did it take that long to do a 1-minute blood draw? Inefficiency! In the form of mix-up with the orders, calling my doctor's cell phone because the main line said it was "after hours" at 4:00, and then finding out it was someone else's fault. Sheesh. It's just a stinkin blood test, how inefficient at that can you be?

It may not normally have bothered me, but it was the end of the day, I was hoping to get in and out and then go work out, which never happened. And when I don't work out, I'm usually a bit more stressed and a little less happy.

So what's the cure? I'm typically a patient person, EXCEPT when I know how the process could've been done better. Sigh.

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

That's always a fun line to start any conversation, and thus today, it will start my blog. Last week was normal, as in, nothing really spectacular occurred. Last weekend, however, I got to go hang out & help out at Camp Eagle which was pretty much amazing.

One of the first sights that greeted me upon arriving was this:

So apparently there was a HUGE storm at camp the weekend before and this particular tree (who I can blame for putting a dent in my rear fender along with many others!) decided to bring an end to the Brown Suburban. The Brown Suburban is a legend at camp. I'm pretty sure it's not only the most disgusting and ruthless vehicle, but it's also the most ridiculous. That thing will not die. One summer the rear axle broke. I'm pretty sure it's engine has been rebuilt several times. But it is STURDY. And gross.

On Saturday I suddenly realized that, wow, I was going to be going home on Sunday afternoon, but then I have to get up and go to work on Monday. OH NO. This is when I asked myself what have I gotten myself into?! I was contacted to help out and replied that, hey! I've got my weekends free, why not? I forgot that weekends are for rest. Sigh.

But God is good and he'll take care of me. And I love being at camp. It's rest for my soul, and there's so many people and memories there that I love.

Tomorrow is my day off! I was confused several weeks ago why my supervisor was giving me a Thursday off instead of a Friday or Monday (as usual when I work a weekend), but I know now that it's the Lord's provision. I could feel myself almost getting burnt out today and so I really do need a day off. My intern starts in like a week and a half and I still haven't gotten her binder together, and my niece's birthday is in a week and I need to finish her scrapbook. If I wasn't such a perfectionist, I'd be fine! But no, everything has to be done with EXCELLENCE, not just halfway there. Sigh again.

Cheers for a day off!

Best. Weekend. Ever!

Wow, so I just had possibly one of the most amazing weekends since I've moved to Texas. I can't believe how sunny it is here, and it makes me super happy when it's sunny.

Friday and Saturday I went camping with Dawn's sister and her friends at Inks Lake. I needed to get out of Austin and this couldn't have been any more perfect! I realized how much I love camping again, and how I really should do it more often - like once a month. It was perfect weather, and I even avoided worsening my sunburn on my shoulders. However, while kayaking I realized I didn't put any sunscreen on my legs, and so now they're super red. Sigh. Someone told me that Texas is closer to the sun than Kansas, and I'm beginning to believe them!

I also realized how much I want to marry a guy who loves camping as well. It's almost required.

And here's a pancake I made. It's big.

We got back on Saturday evening, ate some amazing burgers from a place by UT, then watched Chuck, a show that I'm becoming very preoccupied with. It's pretty funny and awesome.

Sunday I went to church, which was great, and had lunch with my friend Teal. After baking some cookies and starting laundry, I decided to go do my Bible study at a coffee house that's on Lake Austin, so beautiful! It's right there on the lake, and my skin felt so good in the sun. So great. After that, I watched Chuck again. :)

And now it's Monday. Tomorrow at work we're installing a new telemetry system, so it will be kind of a fun training day, I think we're even going OUT for lunch. Weird! :)

Gah!

Sorry for the lack of posts. Since getting Derek back last Tuesday, he had to revisit the shop on Thursday and stay all weekend, yet they still couldn't figure anything out. He's started well this week, but it's kinda weird because I know something's wrong. Just waiting for it to blow up.

I would've blogged about it, but my emotions were so up and down about it and other things, I was waiting for the storm to calm a bit so I could have some perspective. And now I do!

God is good!

In other news, I realized the other day that I haven't left the Austin area since I went home in February and I'm feeling a little antsy. So tonight I'm going camping with Dawn and her sister's friends. It's only one night, but hey, it's leaving town and sleeping somewhere else for a change!

And... I just found out I'll be going to Camp Eagle every weekend in May except for one to help out with retreats... and get paid! It's just too much - paid to hang out at my favorite place and with my favorite people? Okay! :)

Don't Be Suprised!

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you,

as though something strange were happening to you."

-1 Peter 4:12

I read these words during my time with God on Sunday morning. About an hour later, I got in my car to go to church, turned the key, and dut dut dut dut dut dut dut dut, but no vroom. I tried again. Same dut dut dut dut dut dut dut. Pumped the gas a few times. Dut dut dut dut dut dut dut. Tried jump starting my car. Dut dut dut dut dut dut dut dut.

Really?! Really, God, why now?!?!?!?!

Then, the words came to mind and I felt ashamed. Of course I was going to face trials, I knew that, but why now? Why this, God, why?

I ended up taking my roomie's car, and so glad I did. I made it just in time for the sermon, which (obviously) I really needed to hear. He was talking about Noah and how he trusted God completely to build a GIGANTIC ark that took over 100 years when no one had EVER seen rain before or knew what a flood was. He was "all in" as the pastor was explaining, trusting God completely.

I knew that's what I needed to do, but my mind was focused more on the reality of the situation and not the spirituality and power of God. After praying with a friend and crying my eyes out a bit, I knew that this was a test. And I needed to get to the point where I could be all in with God.

I am a firm believer that your type of circumstance has no bearing on how much faith you need; it's all dependent on your relationship with God. The "big" things actually are easier to believe God in because we may not have the reality framework for the answer. But the "small" things have practical solutions and we can wrap our minds around them, so they actually require MORE faith to believe that God will work when CLEARLY in OUR minds it won't.

Today was much better; I felt that God was going to work it out, that God did have it under control, and if my car needed $5000 in repairs or I needed to get a new one, God would provide the money for that. But then I got anxious, waiting to find out how God would work. You can trust God, but working through the peace takes a bit more time.

And then all of sudden I get a call saying my car really has nothing wrong with it, they can't figure it out, so come and get it! No charge! All of a sudden I am praising God because HE showed up and was faithful. While my test was temporarily over, I knew that there would be more to come. He's just building me up, little bit by little bit.

So don't be surprised when it happens. Because it will!