Switching Banks

Besides moving, I have never switched banks. I've had a different one for each phase of my life and where I was living, but I've never actively switched a bank in the same city. And by switch, I mean everything: all accounts, money, direct deposit, EBT setups, etc.

Let me tell you: it's a pain.

It takes some planning to go smoothly. I wrote out the many bills I pay through direct EBT, then figured out what time of the month would be best to switch my accounts based on when they were due. Once I opened the account, I straddled my money between two accounts for the 2 weeks in between my paychecks, which also required some planning. But now it's smoothing out.

Why did I switch? I was a member of a national bank chain, and it just got silly. In order to "keep" my checking account free, I had to do one of the following: pay $5/month, transfer at least $25/month to a savings account, or have the bank transfer $1 to a savings account everytime I use my debit card. The way I structure my finances and savings, it was impossible to do any of those options. I was always transferring stuff back and making sure my budget was in line after I let the bank do whatever magic they had to do to satisfy themselves that I was worth their time. Sheesh.

I switched to a local credit union, and I LOVE IT. I applied online, which was mostly a product of me not having time when the bank is actually open to go talk one-on-one. I received several emails with super-helpful information. I also actually went into a branch today to get a letter for my direct deposit at work, and OH MY they are nice! And they explain things so simply! I have a tendency to get lost with financial jargon, so it was very refreshing to experience simple terms and no funny rules. The lady I spoke with was super great.

I feel like this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

(Bonus points for guessing which movie that quote is from).

Day in the Life

I'm sure you have some idea of what I do, but after explaining my job about 30 times this past weekend at homecoming, I realized a description from the Bureau of Labor Statistics isn't quite the key and a better descriptor would be a day in the life blog post. I must give a caveat in that MWF and T/R are quite different, but this should help you nonetheless. Here we go!

5:30 AM This is when my alarm goes off.
5:45 AM This is typically when I actually roll (literally, roll) out of bed
Eat breakfast, spend time with Jesus, shower/get ready
7:00 AM Leave, make a monotonous and boring drive up I-35 (on MWF, I leave at 6:15)
7:30 AM Arrive at work, turn on lights, check crash cart, glucometer tests
Pull inpatient orders off the printer, research on Meditech (online medical records database), update acct numbers, answer emails
8:00 AM Interns arrive, plan study and activites for the morning, fill out eval for one intern who's advisor I'm meeting with tomorrow
8:30 AM Finally get up to the floor to see inpatients! First patient: stent
9:15 AM Documentation - this is the bane of my existence as an EP, I just don't get it! Very redundant
9:30 AM Meet with a patient in cath lab holding area who needs CABG surgery but is anxious - very sweet and touching. Success! She agrees to surgery.
10:30 AM Return to floor, see another stent patient & document
11:30 AM Type up outpatient schedule for next week on Excel (I like this stuff - organized, neat, planning!)
12:30 PM Lunch outside in the courtyard! So nice!
1:00 PM Afternoon outpatient clinic - sit at monitor while intern takes BPs, talk to pts, review charts
2:30 PM Write reports from outpatient clinic, answer more emails
3:00 PM Potential intern for Spring 2012 interview, on the phone from GA
3:30 PM Copy patient charts to be sent over to HIM - read: boring!
4:00 PM Leave!

On MWF, there's more outpatient clinic, interactions, teaching pts weights and how to use machines, as well as performing exercise evals. And then this week, I went to a health fair two separate days and did body fat/BMI and BP screenings. I definitely love the variety of my job and the contact I get with people everyday. There's always something new, some new challenge, and some new person to connect with and encourage in their life. LOVE IT!

Vegan Update

It's been approximately 19 days since I went vegan. I say approximately because I had to cheat while on vacation in Arkansas and there have been a few times here and there where I've not been a vegan purist. But overall I'm only eating plant-based foods, which mainly include vegetables, fruit, grains, and Dr. Pepper.

Okay, DP isn't really plant-based, but it's not animal-based!

On to the update.

What have I eaten?
My breakfasts aren't that different from before - cereal and (soy) milk, or waffles with peanut butter and syrup, etc. Really simple. For lunch, I usually stick with a salad of spinach, grape tomatoes, and cucumbers, topped with raspberry vinaigrette. One of my FAVORITE creations is a sandwich with sliced tomatoes, avocados, and cucumbers. Or I'll just eat leftovers from whenever. I've found that I'm not particularly putting meals together that make sense, and I think that's okay for now!

Dinner has been: pasta & tomato sauce, broccoli and carrot stir fry, bean burritos, smoothies and sandwiches, or whatever I can find in the fridge to put together. Again, my meals don't make a lot of "sense" or look pretty together, but they fill me up and keep me eating healthy!

What have I learned?
I'm a rule-follower, so having boundaries and instructions are the best ways to produce obedience in me. I eat rather healthy, but have the propensity to eat junk a lot, justifying it by saying that I eat healthy other times, I work out a lot, I'm young, etc. I've learned a whole bunch about being creative with vegetables, that eating healthy tastes AMAZING, and that it's not as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, it's fairly simple. When you only have 3 food groups to choose from instead of 5, it tends to simplify things a bit!

On a more TMI note, I've learned that a major increase in fiber has drastic effects on your GI system. I've apologized profusely to my roommates and coworkers, but no one seems to fess up that they notice. Yay! :)

Will I keep doing it?

I will continue to eat a vegan-style diet as long as it is convenient. Before you snicker, here's the rationale. I'm doing it just to eat healthier, and if a situations arises in which I have limited choices on food (eating with friends, family outings, vacation, etc.), I'm not going to be in the pain in the butt who requests plant-based stuff only. I'm doing this solely to feel better about my dietary choices and have more energy, and "everything in moderation" is a great phrase to use here. I'm not sure how well this will work into winter when fewer vegetables are available out of season, but we will see. I have no moral motivations, so cheating every once in awhile is fine with me!

Homecoming

I spent this past weekend in and around Siloam Springs, AR and my alma mater's homecoming. I flew into and out of Kansas City because it was cheaper and my ride was leaving from KC, so I got to spend some time with my family as well. I had been back to AR last fall for a wedding, but we were literally there for 16 hours so I didn't have time to look around or meet up with people in the area. But this year was my FIVE YEAR reunion since graduating college, so I figured it was time.

I drove down with my roommate from junior year, and was able to reconnect with a lot of old friends. The funny thing about homecoming is that you don't really know who's going to be there until you show up. There were a few people I knew who were still in the area, but it was really a luck of the draw for those I wasn't sure about. This being my first homecoming, I wasn't sure how that would work - should I call the people I wanted to hang out with? Just show up?

I met with another of my former roommates this morning and we were talking about how sometimes it's just okay to not be as good of friends anymore. It's okay to catch up and leave where you left off with friends from college. Going into it, I think I felt a bit guilty I hadn't kept up with ALL of my friends. But leaving, I understood that (1) that's literally impossible, and (2) I moved twice and developed two new communities since graduating, so my social support and friendship-keeping energy was mostly spent locally. And that's okay!

Another thing that struck me this morning as we were talking was that perhaps keeping up with one another is more complicated now because we have SO MANY options to do so that we didn't before, like texting, FB, email, etc. It's still being worked out in the social realm which ways are appropriate and which aren't.

This weekend was also great because I got to visit two of the places I consider home. And that always feels good!

Going Vegan

Whaaaaaaat? Seriously?

I thought your front license plate says "EAT BEEF." I thought you're from Kansas and your father grew up on a farm? I thought you consider a plate of food without meat a non-meal? And milk? I thought you loved milk, drink it all the time?

All of the above are true. What's also true is that I've been reading a lot lately and learning about what's good for you in the long run. I just want to TRY the whole vegan thing out. Just for 2 weeks. I promise.

Here are a few reasons why:

1. I'm always interested in how to make my diet healthier. Since I work in healthcare, I feel the responsibility to pass on only the best and most helpful information to my patients.

2. A few blogs I've been reading from cancer survivors have let me realize that eating a plant-based diet isn't that hard. They usually post great recipes and I've tried a few!

3. I'm reading the book The China Study. It's pretty hard to argue with. Basically the research has shown that people who eat plant-based diets live longer and have less disease than people who eat animal-based diets.

4. I just went grocery shopping and it was a breeze! I spent most of my time in the produce section, and very little in the other aisles.

5. I've also recently seen Dr. Sanjay Gupta's (CNN medical guy) documentary on heart disease and in it, he talks about plant-based diets, including the hometown Austin Engine2 diet.

So here we go. I wanted my menu to not be all vegetables and grains - I wanted to try some substitutions and see if they measure up. I'll let you know when I make sloppy joes out of the meatless meat grounds I found. (It's really just fungi.)

Here's to the next two weeks!

Lost and Found

Sorry for the hiatus. I moved to a different house, then started D-School at my church, so I haven't had much time to blog. I've had countless stories to tell, but just not enough time to type them out. Here's the latest:

This past weekend we went to a conference in Waco called World Mandate. We decided to leave after Saturday night's session, so it was about 10:00 before we headed out to the cars. I had looked in my purse for my glasses earlier in the evening, but not finding them, assumed they were in the car. I also had noticed that my Bible reading plan (on cardstock) was not in my journal - I assumed this was in the car as well. However, when I got to the car, I didn't find them. Either. We were eager to get on the road even though it's only a 1.5 hour drive, so I got super frustrated that I couldn't find them and we had to leave. So, Dawn said a prayer and we got on the road.

I started calling everywhere I could think of - the hotel, Jason's Deli, Pei Wei, etc - but no one had seen them. My frustration lasted until Sunday morning church, where I finally decided to TRUST that God would either restore the glasses to me (at this point I was thinking they were lost for good), or provide financially for their replacement. I was still bummed about it and during work on Monday was really not doing well with the whole eyesight-without-glasses thing, but I knew God would provide.

This is turning into a long story, but I have to tell you how at loss I was when I didn't have my Bible reading plan. That's all I've been doing this year during my devotional time - reading once through the Bible - and so I had no clue what to do. Fortunately, God did! In D-school, we've been reading through my pastor's book on prayer, so I decided to go with the new and try something different. It was amazing! All I did for 45 minutes was write out all the reasons I'm thankful. At the end, I thought it'd be good to read a Psalm, so I opened my Bible up and BAM! there's my reading plan! I just laughed! God has such a sense of humor and knows what's best for me. I'm still not sure if He wants me to finish the plan this year, but I know that I'm enjoying my devotional time A WHOLE LOT more.

I also got a sense on Tuesday morning that today was a day of restoration; I was going to find my glasses. I went through most of the day still bummed and trying to think where my glasses were. Around dinnertime, before my small group arrived at our house, I texted a friend who's car we had ridden in for like maybe 20 minutes. It was my last thought of where they could be. Knowing it was a long shot, I left my phone on the kitchen table. After our group finished, I was chatting with my small group when I noticed I had a text. Not expecting much, I opened it up and in response to my "Did you see my glasses in your car?" she had said "Yeah, I saw them earlier." That's it. Casual. Yeah, they're in there.

I FREAKED! I started jumping up and down and yelling! Then I called her and asked hurriedly, you have my glasses? Really? Really really really really?!?!!?!??! It was great! I finally had both the items that I lost.

I realized later that while the conference was really good, what God really wanted to teach me was through what I lost and gained back. What I learned was to trust that He will provide, no matter what. And He can take away things that aren't healthy for our good. See, I was meeting with the Bible instead of meeting with God in my devotional time, and He wanted desperately to talk to me, listen to me, hear my heart, etc. Throughout the whole ordeal, I could just picture God smirking. I knew He was up to something.

Books That Changed My Eating Habits

1. Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser

(reviews taken from Amazon)

Fast food has hastened the malling of our landscape, widened the chasm between rich and poor, fueled an epidemic of obesity, and propelled American cultural imperialism abroad. That's a lengthy list of charges, but Eric Schlosser makes them stick with an artful mix of first-rate reportage, wry wit, and careful reasoning.

Schlosser's myth-shattering survey stretches from California's subdivisions, where the business was born, to the industrial corridor along the New Jersey Turnpike, where many of fast food's flavors are concocted. Along the way, he unearths a trove of fascinating, unsettling truths -- from the unholy alliance between fast food and Hollywood to the seismic changes the industry has wrought in food production, popular culture, and even real estate.

My review: I loved this book. It basically exposes the effects of a fast-food culture on our nation: obesity, worker's rights, farming industries, etc. It also made me never EVER want to go to a McDonald's, Burger King, or the like again.

2. Animal Vegetable Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver

Author Barbara Kingsolver and her family abandoned the industrial-food pipeline to live a rural life—vowing that, for one year, they’d only buy food raised in their own neighborhood, grow it themselves, or learn to live without it. Part memoir, part journalistic investigation, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle is an enthralling narrative that will open your eyes in a hundred new ways to an old truth: You are what you eat.

I loved this book because it made me so much more aware of where my food comes from. Gardening, farming, and writing about it was all she did for a year, so it's a full-time job. Maybe someday I can do that - even just a small garden.

3. South Beach Diet by Dr. Arthur Agatson

I love several things about this series of books, cookbooks, and guides. First off, Dr. Agatson is a cardiologist, and created this diet out of need for a lack of heart-healthy diets for his patients to follow. As a cardiac rehab employee, this really resounds with me. My patients are constantly asking about which diets are safe, effective, etc. This diet is not only healthy, but also it tastes amazing. My second reason for loving this diet is that the recipes are very simple, but also elegant and cater to a more foodie crowd. I used the cookbook for ideas for salmon glazes, quick snacks, and healthy desserts. I need to buy the cookbook because I keep checking it out from the library and have to return it!

So that's my list. What's yours?

Shrimp and Feta Stuffed Zucchini and Avocado-Chocolate Mousse

I'm in no way wanting to start a food blog - God knows I barely have time to write a regular blog - but this food adventure was just too much fun not to share. My mom was in town and so I had some extra support (and hands) to help out!

The recipe was fairly accurate as far as time - 1 hr 15 min prep - and was easy to follow. Basically you make the filling of veggies and shrimp, put it in the zucchini boats, and then bake! Last step is to top with the feta cheese.

The only change I would make is to add less crushed red pepper. Just made it a tad to spicy for my tastes. We served it with some asparagus, as shown, but if we were planning more would've served it with some cous-cous or similar light grain. I think brown rice might be too heavy with this dish.

On to dessert! I got this idea from this blog, and it was pretty amazing! I must've added too much almond extract, but otherwise was wonderful on graham crackers. Yum! Enjoy!

Change

I'm going to start blogging more, and I thought July would be a great chance to do so since I'll be attached to an IV every Thursday for 4-5 hours this month. :)

Last December during one of my small group meetings, we went around the room and shared what we thought the Lord had for us in the next year. I shared that I had an overwhelming sense of "newness," that I felt there was going to be a lot of new things in 2011. I can tell you midway through the year that there have definitely been some new things so far: healing from past emotional wounds, new understanding of God's love, experiencing medical treatment for a flare-up of my autoimmune disease, and on and on. What I didn't think about was that in order for something to be new, there must be a change, and sometimes that means letting go.

I've written about my approach to change before, but in short I like change and like to see where it will take me. In general, that is my approach. There is a lot of change that has happened, aside from the above short list, and with it, new circumstances. I've found myself a little more apprehensive than usual, but its not troubling. It's that good, something-great-could-happen kind of feeling. There are changes with staffing at work, come August, that will be fairly significant. There may be changes in my schedule this fall - maybe taking on more responsibilities and/or opportunities. And there may be changes in my social environment. For once, though, the change feels like a good direction and I'm excited to see what happens.

TERD

So today was a long day. After leaving work I felt like I had worked a whole week and it was Friday afternoon. Clinic was crazy, and then all this last-minute stuff kept happening. In addition, I was coming off of a weekend where I slept all but 4-5 hours of it and ate about 500 calories total. For now, I'll blame it on the infusion. But today was just ridiculous.

We get into work at about 6:45 AM. By 3:00 PM, we were delusional. There was a lot to do and as the pile was mounting, I told myself I'd leave at 4:30. At about 4:15 I decided to put in the patient's charges for the day, and when we do so the ordering physician's monogram comes up. The way the computer orders it is the first 3 letters of the last name and the first letter of the first name. So, I would be "MAYR." As I was going down the list, there was a patient under a Dr. David Terryson. His monogram is TERD. Yup, that's right, TERD. I immediately busted out laughing, mostly because it's almost inappropriate at my age to do so, and then my co-worker came in to see and that set her off. But I couldn't stop! I was so tired, and so worn out and burdened from the day, that all I could do was laugh.

And then I left work and felt so much better. :)

Summer Reading List

For some reason, albeit the longer days, brighter sun, and illusion of more free time, summer is full of activities, vacations, and usually lots of fun. With my RCEP exam out of the way, I am looking forward to taking this season of the year to plow through some books I've had on my list for awhile. Some are from my former book club, some recommendations from CNN, and some from friends. Such are:

1. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris (funny!)

2. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris (additionally funny!)

3. Everything is Illuminated by Jonathon Safran Foer

4. Before I Go to Sleep by SJ Watson

5. Turn of Mind by Alice LaPlante

6. The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt

7. The Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Kris Valloton and Bill Johnson

8. Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet (re-read)

9. Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier (for my new book club!)

In addition to devouring these books, after watching the latest X-Men movie in theaters, I would like to watch the other 3 in the series. And, as always, I'll be climbing my way through the AFI top 100 films. I'm halfway there!

Moving Home After College

In my daily perusing of news headlines, I came across this article that quoted almost 85% of college grads move back home, mostly due to the difficulty finding jobs in the economy. I can certainly believe it. However, the economy wasn't why I moved home after graduating from JBU.

I guess in a way it was, but I had a good reason. I graduated in December and literally moved the next day, mostly due to my parents and their large vehicles being available. My plan was to start Physician's Assistant school in May, and so I could either stay in Siloam and find a job to pay rent (not likely and not desired), or I could move home and get a part-time job while I wait to start PA school. I loved Siloam and my roommates, but I was ready to grow up!

I absolutely loved living at home. I ended up living there for 3 years. When I moved home, my brother was a junior in high school, and since I had been away at college during most of his junior high years, it was a blessing to get to hang out with him and eventually see him graduate high school and start college, all while I was in town with him. I also know my mom loved having me there. And I loved hanging out with her. When I knew I would be moving out of state to Texas, it really saddened me that I would be leaving. It had become "home."

I also was able to reconnect with high school friends, attend graduate school only a 15 minute walk from my mom's house, participate in the celebration of KU's 2008 National Basketball championship, serve my church's youth group and intern with them for a summer, and most of all, be around my family. Not having to pay rent for those 3 years has saved me thousands, but I know no price tag would be worth that experience.

So while some may see moving back home after graduation as a step back, I see it as a time to recconnect with family, reassess goals for the future, and because of the supportive environment, come out a little stronger and more focused than if one got a job right out of college. We all need those times to figure stuff out. And I'm glad I did it at home.

The Joy of Giving

Some of you may know, but this spring I've taken part in the Dave Ramsey class called Financial Peace University, a series of 10 lessons on video and guided discussion times. I took the class back in college, but living on loans at the time, I wasn't able to apply what I was learning very well. Since getting a full-time job last year, I've realized my need for some re-teaching and accountability with the other classmates that attend. Thus I enrolled.

First of all, if you don't know anything about Dave Ramsey, you should know this: He loves Jesus. All of his advice and teaching comes from a foundational knowledge that our money is not actually ours, but God's. He has also been in the financial arena for about 30 years, so he knows what he's talking about. AND he's super funny. These aren't boring, blah blah complicated videos, they're HILARIOUS. You will be entertained and enlightened!

Enough about Dave. So, I recently realized that I was using the "extra" money at the end of my bills for things like gifts, clothes, random stuff, etc. and I should really just make a category for that in my budget so I'm not going overboard in any one direction. I get paid every 2 weeks, so this past paycheck had "gifts" on it, which was great because my niece Austen is turning 3 in a couple weeks. When I asked my brother what she wanted, he texted, "Disney princesses." So I headed to Target with my $25 cash in hand (instead of swiping a card - there's more pain and knowledge involved in using cash).

I cannot express to you how much fun it was shopping for her gift! It's almost like someone had handed me the $25 and said, "Go!" It felt like I wasn't spending my money, but someone else's! And I really was - it was the money God had entrusted to me. Really, God is the owner, and we're just the asset managers. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!

Our last week of FPU was Thursday night, and it was the most important lesson: on giving. Dave's point was that you can do all the steps, follow all of his advice, but unless you GIVE, you're missing the point of life. And giving can be so much fun! Not only does it give us a taste of how joyful it is for God to give us good gifts, but we get to bless others! My goal in life is to be monetarily rich ONLY so I can give it away. I can't wait. :)

Why I'm Not a Germaphobe

I successfully, but not intentionally, did not post at all in April. It's not that I was too busy, or didn't have any great ideas for posts, but mostly that my ideas and creativity flow came at all the wrong times: the gym, during work, etc. As a singer/songwriter recently said, "Being a songwriter is very inconvenient to my lifestyle. All my ideas come at the most inopportune moments." After I discovered the "memo pad" feature of my cell phone, I began saving these moments of brilliance so that I could later, when I have a 10-20 minutes stretch of uninterrupted time, remember and then subsequently post. This is one of those topics.

I work in a hospital. All day long I scrub in/scrub out, use the hand foam after each patient I touch, wear gloves when handling a patient, and wash my hands a lot. I don't even work on the floor; I work in an outpatient clinic, where supposedly the "healthy" people are. Even so, you could argue that they are bringing in germs from home, leaving them in the clinic, and then sharing them with other people who in turn go home and spread them. Either way, I work in a place where germs are the bad guy, and we do EVERYTHING we can to supposedly wipe them out.

Yet there's an interesting phenomenon known as HAI - hospital acquired infections (when you get sick because of exposure to a bacteria in the hospital). Some HAIs are due to caregiver error or lack of precautions, but some are unavoidable. There are such strains of some bacteria called antibiotic-resistant strains, like MRSA, which have evolved and simply do not respond to antibiotics. MRSA is why your doctor won't automatically prescribe you an antibiotic when you're sick - he wants to make sure you need it before he gives it to you. Overuse of antibiotics is what causes most antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria, and sadly, they're on the rise in America.

In other parts of the world, they don't have these problems. A coworker of mine traveled to Haiti last year on a mission trip and worked in a medical clinic for a week. If they could get a hold of gloves, they were lucky. There was soap, and that's about it. An American hospital official would call the conditions highly unsanitary, yet they don't have any of the antibiotic-resistant strains we do, and certainly don't have the high number of HAIs. If they aren't getting sick while in the hospital, maybe they're doing something right. Could it be possible that we are over-sanitizing?

I think we are. I will continue to use sanitary precautions at work, mostly because we get in big trouble if we don't, but I certainly leave it there. I use hand sanitizer at home only once in awhile, and sometimes when in public places. But even not having much of an immune system won't drive me to be over-zealous about my germ care. I know that some germs are good for me; they help to develop immunity to certain diseases and in general strengthen my immune system, which I need. Just like some bacteria is good for your gut (hello yogurt!), some germs are good for your body.

On Being A Chipmunk

For the past 2 months, I have been on a drug called Prednisone. This is my third round of long-term steroid therapy, so I'm not new to the side effects, but it still affects my life more than any other drug has. This past week my doctor said I could start decreasing the dosages (you have to do it slowly to give your body time to make it's own), so I thought I'd recap my experience this time through. There are plenty of side effects I haven't experienced, but here's what it does to me:

1. Observe above picture and compare to my profile picture to the right. Chipmunk cheeks! This phenomenon is known as Cushing's syndrome, which basically causes water retention in the face/cheeks and upper back/neck. (Google the term and check out the images tab). The first time I went through this, it was REALLY rough. The devil was constantly telling me I was ugly, fat, yucky, shouldn't leave the house, etc. The second time I went through it, it was difficult, but better. The miracle is that this time, while it somewhat bothers me that I don't look like I normally do, it really doesn't bother me NEARLY as much as it did before. In fact, I sometimes forget this is not my normal face! Ha! So that's a blessing. I am, however, looking forward to not having my fat face anymore. :)

2. Increased appetite. This is unfortunate if no one knows you're on it, because, combined with the above effect, one might think you're eating yourself into being overweight. But really it does increase your appetite. The best way I've found to combat this is simply KNOW that it will make me want to eat more and simply don't. There are a few times when I eat the chocolate cake or have another serving of broccoli, but for the most part, I've done pretty good. If you know you're more likely to want ice cream if you drive by the ice cream shop everyday, you avoid it. Simple as that. So I've learned to check myself and ask if it's my tummy or the steroids talking.

3. This is a small side effect, but it was really bad during my first round about 8 years ago. Long-term steroid therapy can cause muscle cramps that come on suddenly and, obviously, are quite painful. For instance, if I'm holding a pen for a long time, my fingers might start to cramp and then my hand is essentially "stuck" in that position until I can get it to relax. When I had my first round 8 years ago, I would kick in my sleep (dreaming? who knows) and that would trigger a ridiculously painful cramp in my calf. It was pretty annoying. This time, I'm pretty good at being able to relax the muscles and stop it within a few minutes. Mostly happens in my fingers and feet.

If you've ever been on Prednisone for a week or less, or at low doses, these effects are not likely to happen. It's only when you take it for long periods of time that it will do this stuff. I think overall I've had a MUCH better attitude and been blessed this time around, and can only attribute that to the grace of God and the support around me. Believe me, when you look different, it helps when your friends treat you as if you look the same. :)

Health Update!

It's been awhile since I've given a health update, and this next week is going to be a big one, so I figured it was about time.

My eye is getting better! It seems less and less swollen each day (though in very small increments!). I also have been noticing that the numbness in my left cheek/nose/upper lip is changing. I can't really describe how - it just feels different, as if parts of it are regaining feeling again, which is good. And my teeth that are connected to the trigeminal nerve (the one pinched by my eye swelling that feeds the nose/cheek/upper lip) don't hurt nearly as bad or weird.

We made a pain medication change on Monday. Before, I had been taking some sort of painkiller every 4 hours, which made for quite the planning and inconvenience, and I had to eat every 4 hours with the medication, thus plan when and where I would be. There were a few times I had to be in pain for a bit until I could get some food in my tummy. Last week, though, I noticed the Tramadol was only lasting about 3 hours, when on the label you're only supposed to take it every 5 hours. I had been taking it every 4 hours, but when I told my MD it only worked for 3, he suggested we switch to Ultram, which is an EXTENDED RELEASE version of Tramadol. Why is that in caps?

Because that means it releases over a long period of time, as in, 24 hours. As in, I only have to take in ONCE a day. Just once! Amazing! No more waking up at 4 am to take meds, then again at 8, etc. No more worrying about whether I had food for my next dose! And it's worked pretty well. I'm still allowed to take a vicodin every now and then if it gets bad, but I only had to do that once this past week. The Ultram was more expensive ($90 bc it's name brand - generics under my insurance are only $2!), but it's SO worth it. I haven't slept fully through the night yet, but I know it's coming!

I also received a letter from my MD with my recent ANCA lab results - they've improved! Basically the ANCA marker is used to determine the autoimmune activity in individuals with my disease. The letter didn't say what the actual number was, but when I read it I just knew that it was the Lord's process of healing me. In addition, I have been on a steady decline on my Coumadin dosage (blood thinner). A few months ago, I was sailing steady at 15 mg/day, but now every time I get my blood checked, it's too thin so we decrease the dose. I'm now down to 2.5 mg and 5 mg alternating days! Just another sign that God is in the process of healing me completely and fully from this!

So on Tuesday I travel back to Houston to meet with the oculoplastic surgeon. He said last time that if my eye isn't better at the next visit, he would refer me to a rheumatologist he works with there. Based on the above and how I'm feeling, I would say that's probably not going to happen! My prayer is that he would come into the room and be amazed that there is no disease or inflammation anymore! I would be healed! So excited to see what God's going to do!

How do you deal with change?

Last week I attended a training for work entitled "Leading Staff Through Change." It's technically only offered to the leadership positions (supervisors, managers), but my director wants me to take a few of them to get some good education, and I am actually on board with that idea, so it was a win-win. The class was really interesting and I even used the assessment we took (see below) during our staff inservice this year.

The class brought me back to my phone interview for my current job (in which, btw, I had lost my voice!). They asked me that exact question: "How do you deal with change?" Considering I was an intern about to graduate with a Master's degree and possibly move out of state or wherever God led me, I had been thinking about change a lot in the previous few months. I remember answering that I'm very open to change, and realize that it's good in the long run. Staying in a rut is bad.

So when I took the assessment below, I was not surprised to be an Explorer. I took time to figure out what each of my coworkers were, and we have a good mix. So, what are you? How do you deal with change?

(Note: I thought I would be able to find the assessment online for free, but have had no luck so far. If I can't find one soon, I'll post the change personalities instead... sorry!)

On Getting Glasses

On Monday, my visit to the oculoplastic surgeon in Houston resulted in one main thing: it was decided I needed glasses. For one, he said, I would probably fail a driver's test. Two, I had no idea how bad my vision actually WAS. When he messed with the lenses and stuff, I was AMAZED at how clear things were!

Best I can understand, my right eye is just darn tired from picking up the slack from my left eye. And my left eye, is well, awful. So now I am the proud owner and wearer of some sweet glasses. Since I have never had to wear glasses, contacts, or any kind of visual help, I thought I'd write a bit on that.

After awhile, I don't notice them at all. Sometimes I forget that they're there. I was worried they would get really annoying, but they've become part of my face, which is nice. The only time it surprises me is when I look in the mirror! And I've had several people comment that they look really natural, in fact, some people didn't know that I've never had glasses before.

I'm really happy with the frames and how they look. And, of course, I'm happy with being able to see! Good news is that this is a short-term thing. I hope I don't have to wear them longer than a few months. If I had to do that, I would really consider contacts or surgery. Glasses are fun for awhile, but long-term would be annoying! I'm very thankful for awesome insurance, too, that paid for most of it. And to think I almost dropped it this year! I thought - I never use this - but I'm glad I kept it. :)

Book Reviews Lately

(Quick update: it's been awhile, I know. Nothing new to report, really, though, so I thought I might as well post one of my rainy-day topics. Enjoy!)

I'm still connected to my book club in Lawrence. Since I moved to Austin, every month or so I get an email that states the next book they're reading and I immediately request it from the Austin Public Library. Although I never attend the meeting, I still use it to stay up to par with the latest good reads. The rules are pretty simple: no romance, religion or political books. Past choices have been:

Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination by Helen Fielding

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

If you haven't read any of the above books, I would highly recommend them (with exception of The Lovely Bones. That was awful!) Here are the last 4 I read:

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

This apparently is a classic, written in 1943. It follows the sad but true and very realistic story of Francie Nolan, a young girl who's parents, like most others in Brooklyn at the time, are struggling to make ends meet and put food on the table. I was struck by how cheap their meals were (mere pennies) and how money was of such value back then. The book's purpose, however, isn't to induce sympathy, but to simply tell the story of Francie and her family. I appreciated the honesty and historical nature of the book. It was an easy read and kept my attention.

The Help by Kathryn Stockton

If you haven't heard of this book, you might be hiding under a rock. It took me awhile to track down a copy, but I did! Once I had it, I pretty much read it in like 4 days. It was so good you couldn't put it down, one of those! This book follows Skeeter, fresh home from college and wanting to start a writing career, and her journey into the lives of the black slave women around her. Intrigued by their personal lives, she puts together an anonymous book of their stories, publishes it, and watches what happens. I absolutely loved this book! As you can tell, I'm really interested in historical fiction, so this one was great as well.

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Marcia Marquez

When I first read the title of this book a year or two ago, I thought - "oh, it's a book about how lovers learned to be close to each other in light of the epidemic around them, cute." That's not what it's about at all. It's really a love triangle book, and Marquez's style of writing keeps you thinking. He starts from the end and goes backwards, so you have to always have the events in your head. But it's really good and cute! I would recommend seeing the movie because it helps you put the events in order and gives a better perspective. I'm looking forward to reading another one of his - 100 Years of Solitude.

Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver

This is actually a collection of 3 stories that Kingsolver switches back and forth from. They all take place within about 3 miles of each other, but are very different, and yet have the same themes and values. The stories take place during one summer, and really just leave you at that, so in the end you want a sequel! But it's a good read. I enjoyed the factual information Kingsolver injects into her writing (she has a master's in biology) and then weaves that into the text and themes. So ingenious. This one is also an easy read.

There you have it. We are currently reading The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak. I actually haven't started it yet, but I hope to soon!

Loving Yourself Well

I've learned a lot in the past few weeks, but this has been the most treasured lesson, so I wanted to share it with y'all.

(Yes, I did just say y'all. I live in Texas, remember?)

In the course of my life, I have never had excellent self-confidence. This is due to many reasons, but I've always carried that with me and eventually just resigned to the fact that it would always be that way. HA! God can change things, though, and that's what he's been doing.

Once the Lord opened up in my heart the places of lies and disbelief, He was able to fill them with His love and MAN! HE LOVES ME! A LOT! It has been so overwhelming and satisfying to experience the love of God like I never have before.

Learning how much God loves me as in turn allowed me to love myself well. Before, I used to attend events or do activities because I wanted to experience love through them (on a very basic level) - going to a dinner to allow the people there to love me, for example. Now, I ask myself, "How can I love myself well today?" Instead of letting other people love me as my primary source of love, I let God love me and do what is best for me!

It's not being selfish - that would imply taking something from someone else. It's simply being good to yourself. If you need to take a nap, read, spend the night inside, go for a ride, etc., do it! Do what is good for your soul! Loving myself well has given me a FREEDOM that I haven't had before. Before, I would fell guilty if I didn't attend an event. Now I am confident to say that it was better for me to spend the evening resting or whatever I was doing. Before, I would feel guilty if I was late. Now I understand that that was a rule I made up for myself because I told myself people would love me more if I was on time (see how ridiculous we are?). Now, I believe that I will get there when I get there, and that is loving myself well. No more guilt trips!

I would encourage you to look at your schedule, your day, and plan time to love yourself well and do the things that give you life. We all have to work and do things that aren't as pleasant, but it's in the off time that we can really recharge and love ourselves. Do it!

Painkiller Education

When I can fully articulate what the Lord has been doing in my life in the past 2 weeks, I will write, I promise. It's a little intense and I feel like there's more to the story - so get excited!

In the meantime, I thought I would write a little treatise on how to use painkillers. Much of my unplanned time off work in the past few weeks has been due to painkiller-related issues, so I figured it might be helpful to spell out how to actually use them. And no, my doctor or nurse did not explain this to me. I learned this all by myself!

1. No matter what they say, take the painkiller with food. And not just some crackers, FOOD. If it's the middle of the night, you're going to have to eat, simple as that.

2. Ask for an anti-emetic (like Zofran) to help with the nausea. Take the Zofran WITH the painkiller and you may even be able to get away with smaller amounts of food.

3. Have a plan. Most painkillers only last 3-4 hours. I take one set when I go to bed, but I know I will wake up, in pain, at some point. It helps to relieve stress if you already have a plan. Ok, I will probably wake up at 4 VERY uncomfortable, so I will simply take these pills and then eat these dried cherries and lay back down to rest. No time wasted agonizing over which painkiller to take and how much, etc.

4. Get a variety of painkillers. I have a mild one and one that is more potent. I use the milder one during the day (it doesn't make me sleepy) and the potent one at night since it makes me sleepy and my pain is worse at night. I have to plan the night medication, though, so I'm not drowsy for the first 2-3 hours of my day.

5. Don't be a hero. The best way to love yourself when you're in pain is to use what God has provided as relief. Take the pills!

Dear ones, I hope you are never in physical pain that requires prescriptions, but if you are, I hope this advice helps. It certainly would have helped me! :)

Home!

A few highlights from my trip home this weekend for a friend's wedding.

1. Meet Herbie, my new humidifier.

2. I received this house-warming gift (1 year late) from my Camp Daisy friends:

3. I FINALLY procured a used treadmill for my father. WIN!

4. I went to my friend Alicia's wedding and had a blast

5. I wore my mask on the plane and saw beautiful sunsets.

Some days...

Some days are good, when I forget I even have an autoimmune disease. Some days are bad, and some weeks are bad, when the doctors I see all say “I can’t do anything for you.” Sometimes the treatment fails, and you have to try something new. Your hope is always changing; hope in the new treatment, hope that the specialist you’ve come to can somehow fix your eye - and my hope in God is always the there, but there are some days when it’s stronger than others. I know He knows the end of this, and I rest in the fact that there WILL be an end, but some days are just hard.

And then sometimes I just feel completely alone. I wish I had someone to go to my doctor’s appointments with, to say, “It’s okay, I’m going to support you 100%.” I want someone to sit with me during infusion treatments, to say, “Even if this doesn’t work, I still believe in you.” I want someone to physically be there for me, when I can’t and when I have weak moments in my belief.

This isn’t the same as the last time I relapsed, it’s harder. I’m away from my family. The treatment isn’t working. My eye is still swollen and I’m now having double vision. My hair is falling out - it almost scares me when I look at the shower drain and the back of my jacket.

And then there are days where, even though I planned this trip 2 months ago for a different reason, I get to fly home and spend time with my family at the time I need it the most. So that’s good. And as always...

God is good, even when my day isn’t.

I Think I'm Actually an Adult Now!

Happy New Year!

This is not a post about my new year's resolutions, and mostly because I only have like 2 and they aren't crazy enough to share. I believe in goal setting, but most of my desires for this year can't be put in proper goal form, so I will just let you know that I intend on being awesome this year. That's it. :)

I woke up this morning and didn't feel any different. But after I sat down with my Bible and begun my 2-year quest to read my entire Bible, I was blown away by where I am in life and where God has brought me to.

All our lives, we are aware that there is a next step. After Kindergarten, we go to 1st grade. After elementary school, we enter junior high. Then high school. Then college. Then grad school (or job). Once we have a job, we get married and have kids. I know this is a generalization, but essentially we always know there is something that is "next" that is the normal progression of our life. For me, the ultimate goal was to get a job, which was why I enrolled in grad school - to get more training. After grad school, I got a job thank the Lord!

But once I had a job, there was a new city to explore, the new dynamics of living far away from my family, and the newness of it all - people, church, community, grocery stores, etc. Once I got a job, the next step was to feel at home.

So this morning, as I was contemplating how it's true that I ACTUALLY LIVE in Austin, TX and I have a church family and home, good friends, and am relatively acquainted with the city, I'm not sure what's left to do! In the natural progression above, I should be getting married, but seeing as that's not on the horizon or appears to be, we'll assume that's either happening in the future or not happening at all. :)

I kept asking myself, what's there to do next? And then I realized I'm a full-fledged adult now. I can pick whatever I want! I can decide to pursue my relationship with God more (number 1 priority right now), move to another city, invest in a non-profit, go to South America for 5 months to learn how to speak Spanish in a school (as my friend Wendy is doing), go sky diving, minister to the homeless, and the list goes on and on! I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff, and I have the whole world waiting for me. What's even more exciting is that God has an amazing plan that will rock my socks off! How fun!

Here's to 2011 and all that God is going to do!