What did you get for Christmas? Was it what you were hoping for? What you put on your list? Or was it something that you thought was out of left field and is still sitting in its original packaging, waiting until you decide if you're going to donate it or actually use it?
This year, as Christmas crept closer, I noticed an interesting thought that kept pushing its way forward in my mind: if people just give me what I want, then I'll be happy. All you have to do is look at the Christmas list I sent out BEFORE Thanksgiving, giving you plenty of time to procure the appropriate items. These, and only these items are the only guaranteed way to put a genuine smile on my face on Christmas day.
Oof. It sounds even more ridiculous when I type it out! How did I begin to think like this? I used to be so appreciative of any gift I received, and all of a sudden I'm demanding specifics to ensure my happiness. As I thought deeper, I remembered all the times I received a gift that fell way short of my expectations (two Mason jars, last Christmas - yes, that was the whole gift!). I remembered the disappointment, the awkwardness in trying to sound grateful, the worry of what I was going to do with the item. In order to prevent such event from happening again, I did what a lot of us do when we are hurt - I made some rules. The rules were: only buy from my list. (Of course, this was all in my head - I would never tell anyone that to their face! Ha!) But I made sure my list was long enough to feel inclusive of different ideas, but not too long to appear needy.
I've been married for almost 4 years, and early on in our marriage I realized that my husband and I had different expectations for gifts. He is super unique and has super unique interests, so things got complicated in trying to pinpoint the perfect gift. I, however, generally appreciate any gift, but especially those that are thoughtful - those that show how deep the giver knows me. These might be things I've secretly wanted, or the giver thought I would enjoy, and they hit the mark. Conversely, if I got a gift of say, mint-flavored anything, I would feel really misunderstood. If they really knew me, they would know I hate mint! Why did they give this to me?! This present is awful! I was able to recover fairly well on the outside, but inside I was so disappointed. Obviously, they didn't know me. And one of my greatest desires is to be deeply known.
I don't think I'm that different than others, however. We all desire to be deeply known. But we also are busy. It's hard to make time to get to know someone to the level we all really want to. Even my own spouse I'm still getting to know, and we spend the most time together. So when it comes time for gifting, we guess. We take hints here and there, and maybe our mind lights up as we are shopping or we spot a particular item that reminds us of the person. We think, "oh, they'll love that!" But really its just a guess.
The other side of giving is the joy we have, as the giver, when the recipient receives their gift well. You know what I'm talking about - the anticipation of giving a gift is almost too much sometimes! We just want to see the joy on their face when they open it up! Some years I'm actually more excited to see others open their gifts from me than I am to open my own!
But back to my story. After I realized my "stinkin' thinkin'" was not going to set me up well, I did a 180 and decided I was going to be grateful for any gift I received. I would smile, say thank you, and relish in my heart how grateful I really was to receive something I didn't deserve. Because really, what is Christmas about? GIVING. God gave us His only Son. Did I do anything for that gift? Nope. But it's just what I needed.
So what if, instead of making lists and rules and expecting specific things, we all were just grateful to have people in our lives who spend time thinking about us, spend money on a gift, and spend more time wrapping and arranging a time for us to open it (oftentimes including preparing food and hosting)? Stuff is nice, but it's really the people that surround us that will enliven our joy. At the end of the day, we all pack suitcases and travel and grocery shop and stay up late making cookies so that we can spend time with people, not so we can receive gifts.
I may never know for certain how much people have enjoyed my gifts over the years, but I do know that the real point is for the joy of giving to continue. I want to know the person is grateful for the time and effort I put into the gift, and whether they use it or hate it is up to them. The real gift we can give each other is the gift of gratefulness. And you don't even have to fake it! No matter what you are given, receive it well. Say thank you. Be grateful. And see the joy continue.
