PMS and Trials

So this week has been ridiculous. Starting off with my emotional weekend, I tried to focus on work. Tuesday night I worked on my budget and discovered that yes, indeed, I have more expenses than income, and that threw me for a loop. Actually I cried a bunch. Wednesday was fairly normal. Thursday my car wouldn't start. Due to a generous friend, I was able to get to work, but 2.5 hours late. The rest of my day was filled with some work, but mostly figuring out how I was going to pay the $650 to get poor ol' Derek fixed. Once I had that figured out, I had to figure out how I was going to get to work the next day. And so on.

And then I sat down and worked on part of my Bible Study that I'm involved in. The day's assignment was to discover in 1 Peter more about trials and the Greek word for trials and why we need trials and why God sends for a purpose trials. And after awhile, I realized the week was just part of a bigger trial that the Lord has me through here. My reactions to most of the "setbacks" of the week were partly due to PMS, but mostly due to the fact that I didn't have the slightest idea how God was going to work it out. I TOLD myself that He would, but I never believed it in my heart, otherwise I would've been at peace. And so I tried to do a lot of the figuring out myself. Which never works: it's just too much to know that you're the one who has to think up a plan.

And I'm slightly embarrassed to realize this because I feel like I should've known this! DUH you can't rely on yourself! DUH you have to trust God. But somewhere in there the Devil just has been beating me up and I forgot His goodness towards me. There are still trials to come, but after the emotional and awful week I've had, I'm so motivated to avoid my reactions that I am purposely remembering His sovereignty when things come up.

I cannot rely on myself for the answers. I can't even rely on my friends and those who support and love me. I HAVE to rely on God. I simply have to. No choice, that is, unless I want to keep crying and end up an emotional wreck again. And that I would like to avoid. :)