The Problem
This is my journey. Whether you don't know much about breastfeeding or have struggled yourself with it or even been successful, please read. I was ignorant of the BIG DEAL it is to feed your baby; and now that I have one, I totally understand the stress of having a newborn has the least to do with sleep deprivation.
Avery Joy was born at 6 lbs 2 oz, a tiny little baby that only took 20 minutes of pushing to welcome into the world. At first, I was pleased she was so small and I didn't have much pain or extended healing afterwards. Now that I can look back, I kind of wish she was a little bigger! You'll see why soon. After she was cleaned off and they let her chill on the center of my chest, she started to bob her head to the left side. The nurse noticed and said, "she might be ready to eat!" Oh yay! I thought. I just pushed a human alien out of my body and now comes the part where she bites back on to my body in the weirdest and most foreign way possible? Let's see what this is all about.
Her little mouth made its way over and she tried a few times to grab onto my flesh. Apparently, I have flat nipples. Could be due to the fact that I was on an IV for 12+ hours, had an epidural and pitocin, but I think there was a little genetics involved, too. That combined with her tiny mouth, it didn't go so well. The nurse brought a nipple shield to see if that would help; not much improvement. I don't think she technically "latched" but we tried for about 10 minutes and then decided she was good and we could always try later.
We stayed in the hospital for about 48 hours after her birth. The first night was a daze - I was so freaked out about this thing that I was supposed to love, but had no idea how to take care of, and Brent slept the whole night! The nurse was helpful and told me to wake her every 2-3 hours to nurse. Each time, I called her in so she could help me with latching. Avery was so sleepy, too, that it took forever to get her awake and keep her awake. Added to that was the frustration that she never really was latching correctly. Again the nurse tried using a nipple shield but Avery didn't seem to like it. The nurse said she would request a lactation consultant to come by in the morning.
The next day I was still bewildered and out of my element. The lactation consultant didn't come by until the evening, and by then I was super frustrated and worried. It all seemed on my end - she couldn't latch because I had flat nipples. The LC was somewhat helpful, but I could tell she had been working all day and wanted to go home, wanted me to be a quick last patient. The second night's nurse was the worst - she was a great nurse per se, but she came in several times to remind me to feed Avery, and very urgently - "she's lost too much weight and you need to feed her!" I was doing the best I knew how! It was really frustrating. The last day we were in the hospital, I started crying. I just wanted to be a good mom! I wanted to do a good job! I understood she needed to gain weight but what else was I supposed to do? Fortunately, a kind and younger LC came in that afternoon - and by the grace of God, I think could tell I had been crying and was frustrated. She was super nice and helpful, and we pumped some colostrum, just enough to feed it to Avery through a syringe. I felt better knowing Avery had at least eaten something, so we opted to go home that evening.
Our first pedi appointment was the next morning, and it was the first time we met the doctor who would be taking care of our daughter. I remember being so nervous - what if she cried while at the appointment? Was I supposed to know immediately what to do? The pedi said she needed to gain more weight, and since my milk hadn't come in, we should supplement after each nursing with 2 oz formula. (First of all, that's a huge amount for a 4 day old! And secondly, we had no formula, so they kindly gave us some samples of ready to drink formula). We got home from the appointment, and it was time to nurse. As I was about to have her latch, I felt something wet on my stomach. I looked down and there was a milky substance coming out of my boob! My milk had come in! That was exciting. That afternoon, after she was done nursing (and asleep by this point), we tried to give her some formula. She spit it up, so we decided not to do the supplementing, mostly because my milk had come in.
That first week was rough. Her nursing sessions sometimes lasted up to an hour! I couldn't believe this was the way it worked. I was so tired. But I pressed on. We visited with a LC at a clinic and she gave some helpful advice, again with a nipple shield. She said Avery was tiny and she would get stronger and better as she grew, but couldn't promise me that would actually happen. My tiny baby just wasn't strong enough, and that was hard to hear. The clinic was located inside a specialty maternity store, and she told us you could come and weigh your baby for free anytime and also do a weighed feeding if you wanted to. We decided to come back a week later to see if she was gaining weight appropriately.
(I feel like I should also interject that I was going crazy and my hormones were all over and I had no idea what I was doing or how we got here or why was it really this hard? That makes the feeding part more stressful when you dread each feeding session!)
The next Tuesday (she was 10 days old), we did a weighed feeding and found out that she only took in 0.7 oz in 30 minutes of nursing. I was devastated. The week before at the LC appt, she had taken in 1.2 in the same amount of time. Luckily the LC was around at the time we were there, and she suggested nursing for 30 minutes and then supplementing with 1 oz formula while I pumped to get my supply up. Brent was still home from work for a few more days, so with all the moving parts we came home with a new plan. Although it was tiring, we got used to it. I wondered how long we had to do it though - was all this mess worth it if someday she would be more efficient? We did another weighed feeding that week and still the same - 0.7 oz in 30 minutes. Brent encouraged me to keep going, and I did but was so exhausted, emotionally and physically.
I talked with a lot of my friends and got all their tips for increasing my supply - power pumping, fenugreek, blessed thistle, pineapple juice, mother's milk tea 3x/day, steel cut oats for breakfast. I threw myself into it and was determined to try everything. On her 4 week birthday, we did another weighed feeding and she took in 1.7 oz in 20 minutes. I was so excited! She was getting more efficient and I was going to be able to feed her! We decided to try exclusively nursing for the next week and then reweigh. Little did we know that week would be the hardest of this journey so far.
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