A Year of Being New

I'm home in Kansas for Christmas celebrations, and had some down time so I thought I'd scrawl a few thoughts about this year.

As the calendar and my first year in Austin come to a close, it's time for some reflection and review of my life thus far.

2010 was a very hard, amazing, and growing year. If you count part of last December as part of this year (which I will for purposes of this review), here's a summary of events:

Graduated with a master's degree

Procured employment

Moved to Texas

Began my new employment

Was treated for a fungal lung infectional while not on health insurance

Found a new church and small group

Began understanding my life away from my family

Explored and fell in love with Austin

Paid off about $12,000 in debt already!

Am currently under treatment for flare-up of my autoimmune disease

When I teach a stress management class at work to my patients, I always include a "stressful events" list that includes a lot of big life events like moving, losing a loved one, change in financial status, etc. I'm pretty sure that most of the events above are on that list! Good thing I do not get stressed easily.

When I think about this past year, I am filled with contentment. However hard it was, it was good for me. I successfully moved to another state and essentially began a new life. Being a part from my family has probably been the hardest part, especially during financial/car crises, sickness, and just plain not being near them. Starting over in a new city was also a big event, and is still taking up a lot of my emotional energy and time. From finding how to get to work, where to buy groceries, and where to exercise to bigger things like finding a church and small group community that I can grow in were all parts of moving to a new city and state.

And then there was the crises: car won't start, lungs are moldy but no health insurance, your autoimmune disease has relapsed. But through it all, the them was that God WILL PROVIDE. He always does. I know this now more than ever because of what He has brought me through and how it has changed me. I know I am a different person for what I have experienced this past year, and I am learning more and more about myself everyday. It's such a beautiful experience, to be stripped of all that's comfortable and familiar, and have to start over with only God as your source of strength, hope, and continuity. But He was faithful. And He always will be.

As I look to next year, I can only hope that the Lord continues His work of molding me and changing me. As much as I avoid change, I also embrace it because I know how valuable it is. I also hope to deepen relationships that I have begun and specifically find a purpose and place in my "new" life. I have an overwhelming feeling that the theme of next year is going to be "New" and I that I haven't even begun to tap into the newness that is all around me - both spiritually and relationally.

So... let's take a poll. Now that I'm not necessarily "new" anymore, should I change my blog title? what should I change my blog title to?

Diet Dr. Pepper... Friend or Foe?

A few months ago, one of my coworkers announced that she was going on a diet. I was inspired by her, and also wanted to avoid any judging during lunchtime that may be had. So! I decided I would take a HUGE risk and try Diet Dr. Pepper.

I checked the Nutrition Facts: 0 calories! No HFCS! Wow! And...

It didn't taste ALL that bad.

I know, I know. But realizing that it tasted okay enough for me to get my carbonation and sweet craving out of the way, I thought of it a good option. I announced my fortune to my friends, who immediately told me about the AWFUL AWFUL effects: bone deterioration, seizures, eyes bugging out, etc. (Ok, the last 2 aren't true). So, I decided I would do a little (reliable) internet research. Here we go.

My first stop was this snopes.com article, where I read up a bit on aspartame, the artificial sweetner that makes diet soda taste so good without HFCS. I discovered that NO, aspartame has not been shown to cause health problems such as methanol toxicity, fibromyalgia symptoms, spasms, numbness in your legs, shooting pains, headaches, M.S., joint pain, arthritis, slurred speech, blurred vision, memory loss, blindness, etc. The list goes on (and is ridiculous when you actually read through it!). How could one chemical cause all that damage? Well, because it's not true. Quote from the website:

"To date, the FDA has not determined any consistent pattern of symptoms that can attributed to the use of aspartame, nor is the agency aware of any recent studies that clearly show safety problems."

My next stop was the Mayo Clinic website, which has a wealth of knowledge, and of course, all of it is reliable. This article, written by an Registered Dietician, clearly points out that while there are no known ill effects of aspartame and diet soda in general, there are better options, like water or juice.

I know that I could be drinking water, but from what I've read and heard, diet soda really isn't all that bad. Most of the websites or information that states it is bad for you does not measure up to my reputable information standard, so I can't trust it.

To satisfy my sweet tooth at lunch, I now drink some Crystal Light sweet peach tea. It has only 5 calories and satisfies that need for something sweet at the end. If I do get a craving for Dr. Pepper, which only happens once or twice a week now, I most certainly will try the diet version. Appears to be okay for me! :)

God Provides (Part 39584): The Gift Cards

I mentioned that a few weeks ago I was able to go home and see my family. While there, my mom showed me a gift card she had received in the mail from dELiA's, a retailer I used to buy clothes from ALL the time. The letter said we had a credit with the company, and here was our gift card! I was shocked, mostly because the last time I bought something from them was AT LEAST 8 years ago. EIGHT YEARS! How could it be? But it was.

Then my hospital, who typically throws a large "holiday" party, decided to forgo the festivities and just give us all $50 gift cards. Fine with me!

So. Yesterday, the biggest shopping day of the year, I left my house armed with the two said gift cards on a mission to buy my Christmas presents. My first stop was at the dELiA's store in the Lakeline Mall, about 10 minutes from my house. I could've used the gift card online, but when it comes to buying clothes, I need to see and touch them before I buy them. On my way to the mall, I realized one important thing:

I hate malls.

With a passion. Something about the ridiculousness that is parking, the amount of people, their lack of awareness that they're standing in the middle of the passageway, and the sheer chaos of so many voices and flashing lights makes me want to run away. I would much prefer to go on a weekday in the afternoon when no one is there, but seeing as I work, that's not possible. So I scouted out the best parking spot I could find, made several mental notes of where I entered the building (JCPenny's, by the UT athletic wear, go up the escalator, take a left, in the mall), and began my search for dELiA's. Once entering the store I realized that I was probably the oldest person in there, including the manager.

The clothes resembled a cheaper version of American Eagle, and I set to work with my critical eye, trying to discern what, if anything, I could wear. I finally settled on a dressy tank top for me (need something for Christmas services) and a short-sleeved sweater for Meaghan. I tried both on, made my purchase, and made a beeline for the exit.

And then I breathed! It was over! After stopping at 1/2 Price Books, I had completed most of my shopping. I felt relieved that I had braved the crowds, but most importantly that I didn't have to spend any of my own money!

As evidenced by last week, the LORD has been showing me so faithfully that He provides ALL my needs, including Christmas presents. I have no idea why, 8 years later, dELiA's decided I needed $60, but the LORD did. And it's just beautiful because it is SO CLEAR that it was Him who provided. There is no rational explanation, and I love it!

The LORD provides!

Overwhelmed!

Last weekend a coworker flew me home to see my family. I was literally in Kansas for 24 hours. On the plane for 7 hours, in Lawrence for 24, but TOTALLY worth it. It was a great little "jump start" to get me through the next 20 days until I go home again!

This week has been so fun and ridiculous and crazy! And it's all been good! The Lord continues to show me EVERY SINGLE DAY how good He is and that He cares. It simply astounds me! For example:

Tuesday. After work, I went to get my blood drawn, then to work out. I then joined some of my friends for some sand volleyball which lasted a couple hours. On a whim, I stopped by P. Terry's to get dinner and then picked up Dawn (not planned) because we were headed to the same place. On our way to our destination, my doctor called (at 8:00 pm, so you know it's serious!) to tell me my blood was way too thin (INR of 13) and I needed to go to the nearest ER to get some Vitamin K. It meant a change in plans, but Dawn and I ended up just hanging out in the ER for a couple hours and were able to catch up on life, which was great! And come to find out later that the event we were going to was actually cancelled!

Wednesday. I worked a 12-hour shift, 6 AM - 6 PM, so after going to the gym, I was pretty tired. I wound up at my hope group (small group), where we went around the circle and prophesied over each other, basically encouraging one another with how God sees us! Everything that people said about me was so true - like that this was going to be a time of finding my identity, that one person saw me as a lighthouse, and my favorite was about a surfboard. One of my friends said that she saw me surfing and though it was dangerous, God was my surfboard and no matter how impossible things seemed, He would provide (this would become huge the next day - read below). It was so filling and amazing. I am so thankful for the community that God has given me!

Thursday. Last week, amongst some other crazy things, I got a flat tire and had to call AAA to change it. I've been riding around on my full-sized spare for a week or so, but at the prodding of my friend, I went to get it fixed since I would be driving out to camp this weekend and there's plenty of dirt roads and construction to ruin any spare tire I had. I wasn't sure about how I was going to pay for it, but I trusted that the Lord would work it out. I dropped my car off and then went to work out. When I came back, the guy just handed me my keys and said, "Have a great weekend!" I was dumbfounded. No charge! The Lord totally made the impossible possible! Such a small thing, but so important!

So now I'm at Camp Eagle, trying to process all the craziness that's happened in the past 2 weeks. I'm here to teach the Walkabout students (gap-year program) on exercise and stress management. I'm doing it in 2 shifts - I did half the students last night and it was pretty fun. If accreditation goes through with John Brown University, the students could be getting 12 hours of college credit and I could be adjunct faculty! Woot!

Needless to say, there is a lot going on in my life. But the Lord is good!

On Being Needy

This week has been rough. I had an excellent Sunday, full of activities that gave me life, and much rest as well. Monday hit like a ton of bricks.

I met with my ENT doctor, who informed me that the recent MRI of my eye showed my autoimmune disease flaring up. NOT the news I wanted to hear. This happened only 2 years ago, so I was quite surprised at the diagnosis. However, the Lord is good and I've been through the treatment before (low-dose chemo, steroids, antibiotics), so I know it will be good for me, in many ways.

Today was particularly stressful because my supervisor was absent, leaving just two of us to man the outpatient clinic and see inpatients as well. I got super internally frustrated (I'm really good at keeping it in), and ended up just being stressed. My coworkers are pretty good at sensing this, and finally when my supervisor did come in, she said, "Ya know, you need to let us know when you need something. Please."

I know I'm not good at asking for things. This has happened before when other health concerns have gone unannounced to my family, who would take joy in praying for me. I honestly am not sure why I do this. I know, at least, that it's because I don't want to inconvenience people, and I think that they don't need to be bothered with my problems. I'm learning a lot about myself through this process, but one of the most painful lessons is to ask for help.

On Sunday one of my friends, who has gone through a pretty horrible 2 weeks, was talking to me about how she doesn't feel guilty for being the needy one. She is confident that she needs others, and is not shy about asking for prayer, counsel, or your time. I understand that it takes great confidence to do so, but I also understand the other side: I love to meet people in their needs, but if I don't know what they are, how can I help them? I'm trying my best, and hopefully the fruit will be that I will one day be told it's too much. :)

South Beach Diet

Before I start talking about diets, let me make sure that everyone knows the word "diet" actually means what you eat. As in, my diet consists of cereal for breakfast, sandwich for lunch, and chicken for dinner. Or, my diet is high in carbs, protein, fat, vitamin K, etc. So when you say "I'm on a diet" it actually means "I'm eating." Just thought I'd clear that up. :)

A few weeks ago, I realized as I was grocery shopping that I eat the same 5-6 meals and it was getting pretty old. No wonder I hate going to the grocery store - it's the same thing every time! In general, meals that I cook need to be: 1. cheap, 2. easily divided up and easily heated up later, and 3. nutritious and tasty. In search of new, cheap, and healthy recipes, I found myself foraging through a South Beach Diet cookbook. I was pleasantly surprised.

The South Beach Diet was concocted by a cardiologist, Dr. Agatston, who happens to live in Miami, FL. Because it was started by a cardiologist, immediately I was intrigued. This means it's actually healthy! Yay! I read on and learned a ridiculous amount of nutritional knowledge, things I wish they would've taught me in all my years of education on exercise and diet.

Things like... if you eat anything with sugar in it, the time it takes to absorb into your bloodstream (and therefore trigger insulin release) is directly proportional to how high and quickly your blood sugar will spike. If you eat something with sugar in it but also with fiber, it will absorb slower (fiber slows digestion), thereby causing your blood sugar to rise and fall slower. Slower = better.

And... fiber actually has no nutritional content. None of it is absorbed by your body. It's whole main purpose is to slow digestion and help clean out your colon. Amazing, huh?

I'm technically not "going on" the South Beach Diet, just trying out the recipes and learning a whole lot about how food is processed in our bodies. I would recommend the diet to anyone trying to lose weight, but also for anyone who just wants to eat healthier. It's really simple, and you learn as you go, which means you're more likely to stick with it long-term.

I would love to give each of my patients his book. Maybe since he's a cardiologist he'll donate them....?! :)

Yoga

I began yoga practice in college during my junior year. I began in a very small class, led by one of my friends. I then got real excited when I found out one of my instructors taught Hot Yoga, or yoga done in a room that's kept at 90 degrees or hotter. I did that for awhile. When I moved back to Lawrence after graduating from JBU, I went to the yoga classes at KU and supplemented with some Baron Baptiste DVDs. And then when I moved to Austin, I began attending yoga classes at 24 Hour Fitness. So you could say I'm pretty experienced with yoga in general and have attended several types of classes: Hot, Hatha, Vinyasa Flow, Power, and on and on.

In preparation for a talk I'm going to give about Stress Management next month at Camp Eagle, I mentioned to the coordinator that one of the practical experiences I could do was to lead the class in some yoga moves, since yoga is a very highly recommended stress management technique. He wasn't too thrilled, and I was confused. I've had my fair share of "weird" classes, but have not bought into any of the Buddhist or New Age concepts that are often a part of a yoga "practice." In short, I've learned to remain a believing, passionate Christian while also practicing yoga. The coordinator is a good friend of mine, so I asked why he would be uncomfortable with me doing this. He explained that a lot of his professors at Denver Theological Seminary were against it, and he didn't want to step on any toes or lead anyone astray. I conceded that he was the coordinator, so I would respect his wishes.

But what's the big deal? I decided to find out.

Basically, both me and the coordinator have been searching through articles on either side of the issue, trying to not only figure out the truth but also how to present this topic to the students who will be listening. We want THEM to decide and have a good discussion. We've found everything - pros, cons, cautions. And I have to say that I don't know the answer.

I do know, however, that I am not sensing from the Holy Spirit anything negative when I practice yoga. I simply do yoga for the physical, fitness benefits. It's a GREAT workout and really helps to keep me flexible. If there is ever a moment in a class where I'm sensing something New Age-y, I just shut my mind off. I pray. I think about something else. And so far it's worked for me. I believe that you can practice yoga for the fitness and not the spiritual.

I know believers, strong believers that I deeply respect and trust, who have conflicting opinions. So I'm wondering if it's just one of those issues like drinking, baptism, or any other "non-essential" in the Christian life? As with those issues, the real matter is your heart. Where are you at? I think that, above all else, is the only thing you can have an answer to.

I would love to hear anyone's thoughts, too!