The Gospel According to Les Mis

I think it's fair to say that I am IN LOVE with the story of Les Mis. I saw the movie several years ago, and then this spring when Broadway Across America came to Austin, I saw it here. It was a spiritual experience - I love musicals, and I'm pretty sure I cried - a lot.

Earlier this fall, a group of friends hosted a "Les Miserables Party" which included the viewing of the movie (with Liam Neeson). Everyone invited brought a French-inspired dish: we had beef bourguignon, French onion soup, bread, salad, and my contribution - creme brulee! So fun to make (burn!) AND eat.

I, of course, dressed up! Nothing like Goodwill to provide a perfect outfit!

Part of the reason the party occurred was to get excited about the upcoming release of the musical this Christmas. A few of the party members had read the book, and I was just starting. My progress was slow, as my copy was on my Kindle app on my iPhone, and my bedtime ritual was in competition with crossword puzzles. To date, I'm about 1/3 of the way through. My goal is to make it halfway (the 8 year break) before tomorrow night when I see it in theaters. We'll see if that happens!

As I've been reading, though, I've fallen in LOVE with the story even more. I researched some background on Victor Hugo, and it surprised me that although he grew up in the church, he considered himself a Freethinker most of his life. This story in particular is laced with spiritual themes, and it surprised me because Hugo wasn't subscribed to that line of thought at the time.

The Gospel is all about Christ coming and saving us that were lost. In the Les Mis story, little Cosette is stuck living with the Thenadiers since her mom couldn't take care of her, being their slave, while their own two daughters play and enjoy all the benefits of having parents. It is such a beautiful scene when Jean Valjean, the protagonist, comes to rescue her. He does so only because Fantine, her mother, requested that he go and get her on her deathbed. But when he arrives, he is overcome by the situation Cosette is in. When he makes a deal with the Thenadiers, he is firm, protective, and doesn't take no for an answer. It reminded me of Psalm 18, especially these verses:

¹⁶ He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the Lord was my support.
¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;
    he rescued me because he delighted in me.

The fierceness of Jean Valjean's love for Cosette only grows as the pair make their way out of Mountfermeil. They find shelter in a small town for a few months, and this quote is one of my favorites:

 "When [Jean Valjean] did not take Cosette with him, she remained with the old 
woman; but the child's delight was to go out with the good man. 
She preferred an hour with him to all her rapturous tete-a-tetes with Catherine [her doll]. 

He held her hand as they walked, and said sweet things to her."

-(Vol II, Book Fourth, Ch IV)

It is very similar to this oft-quoted verse from Hosea:

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness;

and speak tenderly to her."

-Hosea 2:14

Time after time, scene after scene, I am captured by the depiction of God's love that Victor Hugo so beautifully crafts. I wonder if he knew what he was writing. I wonder if he knows how his work is more than just a story of hope, it's a story of Jesus coming to earth to save us. A story of unfailing love; isn't that what Christmas is about? 

Merry Christmas! May His hope capture your heart today - in all the places you feel forsaken or lost - He will come!

(P.S. Ten years ago today my mother took me into the ER because of a 5-day high fever. One month later, when I was released, I began a new chapter in my life of recovery and restoration after receiving a diagnosis of an autoimmune disease. As I was reminiscing with my mom about that today, we both agreed God has done a mighty work in my heart and body - I don't really remember what it felt like! That is the hope that Jesus brings - even what we think is impossible can happen!)

Pruning and Increase

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, 

while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

-John 15:1-2

These past few months have been, well, difficult. I've spent most of the time in la-la land, floating around, not sure where I'm supposed to be headed, but blindly walking and stumbling through life. There were several mornings that I wasn't sure why I even woke up; what was I going to do that day? I had no agenda and no purpose. It was hard.

Since the beginning of November, I've experienced an amazing amount of breakthrough, as I wrote about before. It was also during this time that I ran across this quote from Bill Johnson:

"...some things end only because we do not become the person He needs us to
be in order to give increase to us."

(from The Essential Guide to Healing by Bill Johnson & Randy Clark, pg. 44)

I'm not chiseling this in stone, and it's not Scripture, but my thought patterns lately have been to this tune: there were things in my life that God wanted to bless and give increase to, yet I would not have handled or stewarded it well at the time. God needed to prune, so to speak, my branches so that I could be even more fruitful.

How so?

I've experienced a lot of breakthrough financially in regards to attitudes about jobs, spending habits, and outlook of the blessing of an income. If these things were to have happened back before June, I can't say I would've been amazing as learning them or carried them well. I needed to really understand, experientially, what they meant. I've also experienced breakthrough in how I view my purpose to shine a light wherever I go. It's really hard to do when you work with all Christians! You need to find the darkness in order to shine a light. Once that environment was removed, and I was placed in an environment of nonbelievers, my light is allowed to shine. I'm also learning HOW to shine that light and practically, all the Starbucks recipes. :)

As I was searching for the above Bill Johnson quote, I came across these others that are good as well:

"Character enables us to receive glorious promises of destiny without taking the glory to ourselves." 

(from Dreaming with God, pg. 135)

"But if He cancels [a dream], its only because He's got a better one in mind."

(from The Supernatural Power of a Transformed Mind, pg 147)

So although I may not understand ALL of what has occurred this year, I'm extremely grateful for the pruning. It's hard, but it's SO worth it. Trust me!

Breakthrough

He came. He promised He would. It just took longer than I thought.

Breakthrough came. I got a job. I regained my normal, bubbly self because I'm around people all day long. I learned and am still learning a valuable lesson on how to manage money when you have none. I have deepened friendships in ways I never thought possible. I'm receiving amazing favor at previously mentioned job, while also interviewing for a position at another company that could be promising. I've been provided for, carried, and held up the entire time by the Creator of the Universe, who has always done so, even when I didn't feel it.

I feel like I'm reaping all the fruit of that last 4 months: praying, fasting, seeking and pleading the Lord for breakthrough. And BAM! it has come, all at once it seems!

So I'm very thankful. God is good!

Waiting

The waiting room in a doctor's office might be the least relaxing place in existence, especially because of the irony of its nomenclature. I can recall several experiences in the waiting room that were less than enjoyable: pre-wisdom teeth surgery (valium, anyone?), subglottal stenosis saga, eye swelling saga, and GYN news waiting, just to name a few. The colors and pictures are designed to relax you, but the chairs you sit in barely let you do anything but sit up straight. The outdated magazines only serve to distract you slightly from your upcoming fears, and every time the nurse opens the door, everyone sucks wind, the air gets thin, and everyone waits to hear their name outloud. Sometimes you're so shocked you barely recognize your own name!

I feel like I'm in the waiting room right now. What appointment am I waiting for? What seems to be having me check the mail, my phone and e-mail every 30 minutes? What keeps me restless and bored at the same time?

A promise. A prophecy. A picture of the future.

Recently the Lord has been speaking to me in various ways about what is coming up next in my life. It all started with losing my job and renewing my belief that God would provide ALL I needed in the coming months (Phil. 4:19), that He would never leave or forsake me (Joshua 1:5), and that He would rescue me because He delighted in me (Psalm 18:19). Then, our church's friend Joe Ewen and his prayer for me a few weeks ago stirred it up again. While he was praying for me, he prophesied that this year was a year of BREAKTHROUGH and that God would be shaking off all of the disappointment I had about my future!

Then, this past week, as I was spending a particularly amazing time with Jesus, I saw the conclusion of a picture He had given me a year ago. The first part of the picture I saw while people would pray for me and my self-hatred, or anytime I felt that spiritual warfare was being done on my behalf: I saw myself sitting in a spotlight, with Jesus off to the side, fighting something with a sword that was consumed in the darkness. In June, I got the next part of the picture: Jesus stopped fighting, took my hand, and told me to get up (which was particularly confusing to me! Why'd he stop?!). This last week, I saw the conclusion of the picture: Jesus was punching through a brick wall, bloodying up his knuckles, creating a hole in which he led me through, into green pastures and sunshine.

So I know that something is coming. I just don't know when. He alone knows I need money, a job, would love to be married and have children, and love to be healed completely of my autoimmune disease. He knows. And I've been promised breakthrough.

So I'll wait.

"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint."

-Isaiah 40:31 

Lies We Might Believe About God

I normally don't post stuff that's controversial or try to stimulate discussion, but lately I've been knee-deep in theology and not being an internal processor, I need to type it out. Thanks for listening :)

I'm teaching a class in my church next month titled Authority to Heal, after the book we'll be using by Ken Blue. I have my own journey with healing, which I hope to share soon here, which makes teaching the class even more exciting. I've been scouring books from every theological perspective on healing and trying to get a grasp on not only what I believe, but what is the TRUTH.

The major split I see on this subject is the root of the suffering that calls for healing to be needed. Some say that while God never does evil, He may permit it, owing to the truth that God is sovereign over all. Others say that God never does evil, never permits it, but it is inherently impossible for Him to give freedom and not allow that freedom to be used, so there is evil operating without his "divine sanction." Depending on where you fall with the above dichotomy will dictate your view on suffering and the possibility, much less the need to pray for healing. If you believe God permits our suffering, your prayers for healing may not be as strong and your hope that the person will be healed will be diminished. If however, you believe God sent his son Jesus to assault the kingdom of Satan and heal all suffering He encountered (which is true in the NT), your prayers and hopes for healing will look VERY different. Instead of praying, "if it be Your will, God..." you'll pray with authority because you believe it will happen with God's power.

For purposes of full disclosure, I side with the latter view. This is based on years of believing the other side and having those beliefs damage my relationship with God as well as my own body and spiritual health. After much study over the past year, I've also come to see the truth and scripture behind my belief.

It really comes down to what we believe about God. We may all believe God is merciful, but how far will we go with that belief? Is He only merciful to those who love Him? Do we believe God loves EVERYone? Do we believe He will really provide for us?

As I've been delving into this topic, I've had to deal with what I believe about God and renounce several lies I've been believing. It can only help your relationship with God to renounce those lies - they get in the way of God showing you new parts to His character and new ways of living. So what lies are you believing? Chances are you may not know. Ask Him to show you, and I can guarantee He won't be angry. He just wants to love you, if you'll let Him.

You Can't Take the Country Out of the Girl

My latest trip up to Kansas was a surprise. I originally didn't think I'd make it to the actual 65th Anniversary celebration, so I planned an earlier trip in July. Due to the benvolence of my father, I was able to return again for the actual event! I was so blessed by time with family and especially in the environment of Oberlin, KS.

In the depths of my heart, I am a country girl. I was raised exclusively in a city, though not a large one (pop. 75,000ish), and loved being close to neighbor friends, within walking distance of all my schools, and close enough to the store to run and get a few things if I needed to. However, being in the country does something to me; something happens to my soul and my center of who I am when I'm in a wide open space, staring at a cloudless sky or watching a sunset. I'm not sure if it's spiritual, but I feel so incredibly comfortable in the country and around rural environments. I get it. It makes sense to me.

I attended the demolition derby at my grandparent's county fair while I was there, and it was so much fun! I loved cheering and reacting as old junky cars rammed into each other and caught on fire. I loved walking around with my younger brother, playing games, trying our hand at Sink-o, and eating snocones. And I absolutely loved that we ran into so many relatives there! We hadn't even gotten out of the parking lot before we saw my great aunt, my dad's cousin and their family. Only in a small town like this!

Part of me wishes I would've married a farmer and been a housewife, like so many of my ancestors. I look at my grandfather and have so much respect for his hard work, wise decisions, and faith in God. I love my grandmother and had so much fun with her, baking and serving and just laughing at each other when I was with them for a week in July. Part of me loves that life and the simplicity, the ease, and the laid-back nature of country living.

But God has called me to something different, but not necessarily better or worse. I'm educated, aware of the world and it's benefits and problems, and have a unique anointing and gifting from Him. I have a purpose that, as far as I know, includes a lot of people and loving them as Christ would. But I hope that I can always have a place to connect to the country - either live there, have friends who do, or have a place I can visit. My soul and heart is so refreshed and renewed when I'm out in the open, and I hope that never changes. It's part of who I am, and I love it! 

My Lullaby

Last night was one of those nights. The kind where you toss and turn and try to calm your mind and heart, then eventually fall asleep. I only knew I had fallen asleep because I woke up to a screeching alarm, then it registered: I feel like death.

Especially in the last few months, I've found my mind wandering, worrying, planning unnecessarily, and not slowing down. Usually if I pray or turn my thoughts to what Jesus would say, it will calm me. But every once in awhile I need a lullaby. Something to focus on, rest in, and fall asleep to. Here's mine:

Draw Me, Lord by Selah
I've Always Loved You by Third Day
Break Every Chain by Jesus Culture
God I Look to You by Antioch/World Mandate

Usually by the last song I can feel myself drifting off to sleep. I also love that as I'm entering my subconscious, the last thing I hear is that Jesus loves me, is fighting for me, and has it all figured out.

Pillow talk, if you will, with my Savior.